


WarioWare: Know your Stars

by JacquIreBriggs



Category: All That - Fandom, Know Your Stars, Know Your Stars/All That, Warioware
Genre: Humiliation, Humor, Know Your Stars - Freeform, Strong Language, Verbal Abuse, Verbal Humiliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-07-12 08:05:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 43
Words: 20,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15991094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JacquIreBriggs/pseuds/JacquIreBriggs
Summary: This Know Your Stars show...Each WarioWare employee or residents will have to go endure humiliating lies about them or suffer outright torturous actions. How will they react to the lies from the darkest corner which resides the Know Your Stars Announcer?





	1. Young Cricket

**Author's Note:**

> I first did Cricket's during school while I was bored. And then I finished his Master's humiliation. And now I'm planning on making a segment for each employee. As well as some minor characters. Please note I'm keeping the order of characters in a random order meaning the next on will always be a surprise.

Know your stars… Know your stars…

Cricket: Master said this little segment can help me improve my concentration and endurance. Show me what you got.

Announcer: Young Cricket… His favorite food is tooth-rotting candy.

Cricket: Uh… Excuse me? You got it all wrong. I favor the taste of warm meat buns and Chinese noodles. But candy? Especially tooth-rotting? Not a chance. That hinders my strength and gives me cavities! I don’t want that.

Announcer: Young Cricket… He got Mona pregnant!

Cricket (shocked): Huh? That’s not true! I’m always focused on training that I never have time to find a mate. Let alone getting someone pregnant! What are you?! Some sicko or something?!

Announcer: Young Cricket… He’s a major drama king!

Cricket (shocked): Are you kidding me?! I’ve never been on social media that much and I have never been an attention whore, threatening other citizens or any other dramatic actions like that! Or whine like a 4-year old in real life!

Announcer: Oh really? If you’re not a drama king, then what were you doing in this kiddy ride?

*shows a clip of him and Master Mantis slipping off a horse from Precious Prancers with him clutching on the side with a flinching face as he’s about to fall off.

(Audience laughing)

Cricket (embarrassed and angry): That? That’s just part of my training! One of the directions to excel is to push myself and that merry-go-round is trial like no other! And it’s not like I’m embarrassed! No one’s watching us.

Announcer: Training? I don’t see it.

Cricket (angry): Believe it or not, these horses are untamable! You’ve ever ridden one yourself?! They can throw you off on purpose!

Announcer: Now you know Young Cricket, the major sweet tooth drama king!

Cricket (furious): No, they don’t! They don’t know me! I don’t eat candy! I eat Chinese food! And you have no proof I knocked up Mona or became a drama king! And my moment at Precious Prancers?! That’s an important part of training that you are probably jealous about! Can you hear me?! Hello?! Master! Something extremely fishy is leaving false statements about me!


	2. Master Mantis

Know your stars… Know your stars…

Mantis: It’s an honor to be visible in this little tidbit. Now tell me what you planned.

Announcer: Why thank you. Master Mantis… He has diabetes every hour!

Mantis: Hmmm…? I’m afraid you got it wrong. I never tasted the likes of sweets from sugary drinks or sour candy. Wait a minute. Cricket told you have humiliated him like that and he’s not happy about it!

Announcer: What about Cricket? I’ve already done him. Anyway, Master Mantis… He trains his student with a harsh whip crack on his butt crack!

Mantis (shocked and angry): Huh?! What are you exactly thinking?! I train Cricket with meat buns. And after he finished jumping his way to me, I give him his well-deserved reward. I don’t even own a circus whip and whipping my student is just unsatisfactory abuse! What did you think I am? Some creepy pedophile?!

Announcer: Master Mantis… He went on a gay date with Dr. Crygor!

Mantis (enraged) Ahem! I recall I didn’t go succumbing any love-struck moment! Let alone dating anyone that’s homosexual! Do I look like the kind that would go on a date with someone?! I’m elderly for heaven’s sakes!

Announcer: There’s no need to be ashamed, Mantis. In fact, I caught footage of your date with him right here.

He shows a clip directly in front of the old master's face. It presents two silhouetted men which are Crygor and Mantis trotting in the sunset and then sitting down (Though in reality, the announcer edited the silhouettes to resemble Crygor and Mantis)

Mantis (horrified): Where in heaven’s name did you retrieve this?!

Announcer: From your sent email from Dr. Crygor, you gay old man, you.

* the scene then shows them kissing which then shifts them doing something… inappropriate.

By the time the clip ended with the television retracting to the roof, Mantis is nowhere to be seen.

Announcer: Huh, looks like Mantis just scrammed while crying in embarrassment. Anyway, now you know Master Man-

The announcer was suddenly grabbed by his boxers by a steaming Master Mantis with a vengeful Young Cricket in front of him.

Announcer: What the… How did you find me?! And Cricket?! Uh huh... Fancy seeing you here.

Mantis (resentful): You’re not clever with your hiding spot, are you? You were hiding behind the darkest corner of this stage. Now Cricket, show him what it’s like to make fun of us!

Announcer (Covers his face): No… Please! I’m sorry! Stop the camera! Stop the camera! 

Cricket: Apology unaccepted. Also, this is for calling me a drama king last tidbit!

The camera soon fades to static as Cricket’s fist slams forcefully into the announcer’s face.


	3. Doris-1

Know your stars... Know your stars...  
Doris-1: Initiating Greeting sequence. I am Doris-1, the adorable robot maid.

Announcer: Doris-1… Her creator is Dr. Doofenshmirtz!

Doris-1: Boop. That is incorrect. My creator is Dr. Crygor. He abandoned me approximately 14 years ago and during my abandonment, I feel heartbroken.

Announcer (impersonating Doofenshmirtz): I present you, the Wipeout-intator! With this invention, I will wipe clean of humanity all over the Tri-State Area!

Doris-1 (feeling taunted): Beep. Beep. You sound psychotic by basically saying that. Wiping humanity is not what sweet, innocent robots like myself would do.

Announcer: You got to admit I imitate impressively. Doris-1… She is created with a box of tissue, a toilet plunger, and a disinfectant spray!

Doris-1: Boop. Incorrect. I’m composed of 100% scrap metal with equipped with a mop by Dr. Crygor.

Announcer: What about your head? You’re definitely composed with a tissue box. In fact, 30% tissue box!

Doris-1 (feeling frustrated): Boop. Initiating mood frequencies.

Announcer: Doris-1… She stuffs squirrel corpses in her robotic torso!

Doris-1: Beep Beep Beep. That is completely revolting. (wheels off stage)

Announcer: Your torso smells more revolting! Pee-Yew! I can already smell the reeking death of squirrel corpses from it! Better check in a robotic surgeon to get these corpses out of your stomach during your departure! Now you know Doris-1-

Suddenly the announcer felt a loud impact on his head from a broom as he stumbled into the floor. He turned to see an enraged Doris-1 with enlarged eyes and volumetric mouth.

Doris-1 (outraged): YOU… YOU DARE TO MAKE FUN OF ME?! YOU’VE MADE ME FEEL WORSE THAN MY ABANDONMENT FROM MY CREATOR! I WILL! I WILL! I WILL END YOU NOW!

Announcer: Ack! No! I received enough damage already after my beating from the martial art idiots! Please have mercy! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

The camera fades into static while Doris-1 repeatedly wrestles the announcer with her broom to oblivion with his screams of panic every hit.


	4. Mike

Know your stars... Know your stars...

Mike: Hello everybody. I am Mike. The karaoke machine! What questions will I receive today?

Announcer: Mike… He excels guitar solos in Mars!

Mike: Haha. That’s incorrect. I created success on a karaoke show on the moon. There’s no way I’ve been into Mars. And I’m the worse at guitars.

Announcer: Oh, so will you be making your vibrating rocking sounds with the martians?

Mike: Haha. Very funny. I fabricated the planet’s frequencies that martians aren’t real.

Announcer: Maybe next time… Mike… He tangos with Orbulon at the dancing club!

Mike: You are. Incorrect. Orbulon was never with me during the dilemma at the dance floor.

*suddenly a tiny piece of paper swirls as it was windy inside and went splat onto Mike’s robotic face

Mike (takes paper off): Hmmm...? What this? “To my best tango wife. Come to the strip club. To tangle and pole dance. XOXO Orbulon."

Announcer: It’s a love letter from your tango partner for life!

Mike (gags in disgust): First. I’m a programmed male robot. Two. I told you we never meet at the dance club. You catch that?

Announcer: Naw. I don’t believe it. Mike… His theme song begins with-“I’m a robot-y guy. Inside my mind is a musical kind!”

Mike (annoyed): You are erroneous. After the crowd chanting my name, my song starts with, “My name is Mike, c'mon. Let's robo-karaoke!”

Announcer (robotic singy-songy): I’m Mike. I’m a robot-y guy. Inside my mind is a musical kind! In the digital world, there are three things to do! One, digitally date a computer at noon!

(Audience laughing)

Mike (disgusted and furious): Are you making fun of my song? There’s no way. I’m dating another creepy machine!

Announcer: Now you know Mike. He will be dating a computer and cheating on his alien husband soon!

Mike (furious): Hey! No one makes fun of my song and make it into a grotesque love melody! And I have never have tangoed with Orbulon or even make love to a female robot especially Doris-1! And I’m not dating a creepy stranger computer! You hear me?! Right?! Is anyone there?!


	5. 5-Volt

Know your stars… Know your stars…

5-Volt: Call me 5-Volt. It’s nice of you to invite me into this show. Hi 9-Volt! Don’t go ditching your homework while I’m gone!

Announcer: 5-Volt… She played M-Rated games during her childhood!

5-Volt: Heh, you’re joking right? I played lots of Nintendo games during my childhood like Legend of Zelda, Super Mario Bros. You know.

Announcer: Are you interested in Metal Gear?

5-Volt: Heck no. I’m never interested in series outside of Nintendo. But I’ve played Super Smash Bros. with my son time to time, so I least I know the main protagonist.

Announcer: Okay, 5-Volt… Her husband is a cyborg!

5-Volt: Nonsense! My husband’s a firefighter and he’s pure human!

Announcer: Then why does your son sound like a robot? That mean you married a cyborg!

5-Volt: That was like a long time ago. My son started sounding like a robot since he became addicted to games and playing on his DJ every day. His voice started syncing normally since I took his games away and make him do his homework like a normal person.

Announcer: Poor little kid. Why must you spank him so much, gamer mom?

5-Volt: That’s me trying to remind him to finish the important thing first! I didn’t even spank him once!

Announcer (ignoring her): 5-Volt… She strangled 9 teenagers!

5-Volt (angered): Oh that is so untrue! I have never beaten a single teen at Diamond City. Why would a friendly mother do something like that?

Announcer (ignoring her): You better watch out and keep these confessions to yourself! The police will ignore your orders and will sentence you for 20 years! Now you know 5-Volt- Hey, (noticed she vanished) where did she go?

The room he’s in suddenly dimmed into a blackout.

Announcer: Huh? What happened to the lights? I can’t see anything!

Suddenly, the darkness slightly faded out as a door opened to reveal a dark silhouette resembling 5-Volt. RRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!! It revealed itself to indeed be 5-Volt but with an elongated sticked-out mane, red eyes, and sharp teeth and horns.

Announcer: Oh my god! That’s plain terrifying! I’m scramming out of here before I get mauled once again! He skedaddled out to the emergency exit meant for fire drill except it was unarmed while he flees.

5-Volt removes the demon head revealing to be just a mask all along with a button on the back to imitate the canine roars.

5-Volt: (giggles) Works every time. *winks at camera


	6. 18-Volt

Know your stars… Know your stars…

18-Volt: Oh yeah! 18-Volt’s in the house! Hey 9-Volt! I hope you’re watching this!

Announcer: 18-Volt… His father is named Snoop Dog!

18-Volt: Err… That’s not true! For what I remember my dad has moved away when I was 7. And I also know his name is not Snoop Dog! I know he doesn’t smoke all the time.

Announcer: Smoke… Smoke… Smoke weed every day!

(Audience laughs)

18-Volt (grossed out): Stop that! This has to be the worst rap I’ve ever heard in my entire life!

Announcer: Dank memes, rapper. 18-Volt… his best friend is Silly Willy Dilly Nelly!

18-Volt (confused): Silly Willy who? Did you get that name this from a random children’s book? Cause, I'm sure I've never heard a name like that! My best friend is 9-Volt! I’m always overjoyed to be his player 2!

Announcer: Do you feel jealous of him like Luigi is to Mario sometimes?

18-Volt (defensive): Of course not! Well, maybe except one time when he quit working for Wario and I view him as my rival due to being in different companies but that’s old news. We’re never doing that again.

Announcer: Okay. 18-Volt… He agreed to 13-Amp that he’ll sleep with her after their rap battle!

18-Volt (disgusted): Ugh! No way have I asked her out to sleep with me! I told her to find me at the playground if she wants to rematch me!

Announcer: I can imagine this-

18-Volt (disgusted and angered): Please stop this already! I am a minor that got held back in school! You may think I’m legal for these moments because I look grownup, Mr. Creepo!

Announcer (snickering): Maybe… Now you know 18-Volt-

18-Volt (outraged): No they don’t!

Announcer: Yes they do…

18-Volt (outraged): I’ll never be jealous that I’m player two to 9-Volt! We just viewed each other as rivals one time just because we’re in different companies! And my dad is neither a smoker nor the fact I promised to mate 13-Amp. This relationship is what you called rivalry! Hey! Come back here! I’m not done!


	7. 13-Amp

Know your stars… Know your stars…

13-Amp: Thanks for the sweet invite. Wonder if I should wrap up a starter for my rhymes?

Announcer: There’s no one else but me… 13-Amp… She got expelled 10 times from school via profanity!

13-Amp: Huh? That’s not right. Just because I’m a rapping phenomenon doesn’t mean I curse in class. I don’t even know of couple of those other than the h-word if you can even call it that.

Announcer: Sure… 13-Amp… She was confiscated with a weapon at school!

13-Amp: Huh? That’s not right. I have never bought any weapons to school nor am I old enough to actually own one.

Announcer: Really? Because I just caught a short tape of you threatening innocent students with a gun.

The television located itself in front of 13-Amp’s face. It turned itself on to reveal 13-Amp's shadow at a school hallway (actually a silhouette edited to resemble 13-Amp) threatening the champions with tons of hard-to-achieve awards with a gun while yelling, “Hands over the valuable trophies and awards motherf*ckers!” When the gun started clicking, the tape cuts off.

13-Amp: Okay, I swear you just edited the footage to make the criminal resemble me. And I told you I don’t curse in school.

Announcer: Sure… You’re lucky that you evaded the law’s detection and not end up in jail.

13-Amp: *glares in frustration

Announcer: 13-Amp… She aims herself to be the best Pokémon Master!

13-Amp: You wish… Though I have practiced and memorized the Pokerap at home, I never played a Pokémon game in my life. Even from the games I temporarily stole from that raccoon, he doesn't have one in his collection.

Suddenly, a Pokeball flew across the stage right in front of 13-Amp’s feet. She picks it up.

13-Amp (curious): Hmm…? What’s a Pokeball doing after flying in there?

Announcer: Why don’t you press the button on the middle and see what happens?

She actually did so. It revealed to be prank when instead of an unusual creature; a large boxing glove ejects out and punches her on the stomach, knocking her back to the hot seat.

(Audience laughing)

Announcer: Haha! Got you, didn’t I?

13-Amp (angered): You’re not funny.

Announcer: Now you know 13-Amp. Watch out for her.

13-Amp (angry rapping):  
Oh you think you’re funny? Well, you nothin’ but a heartless fool,  
You mockingly fiction I curse and shoot the students at school,  
Hell, I can even take a creature locked in a ball and have it chomp your big toe,  
Even illegal, I’ll arm myself a heavy gun. Watch out, “bro”!


	8. Red

Know your stars… Know your stars…

Red (anxious): Hehe… Please take me lightly. I’m don’t often separate myself from Ashley, so I’m quite nervous.

Announcer: I will… Red… His new wings were a result of a painful surgery!

Red: No, no. There’s actually a long story how I grew wings. It all started last Halloween when I transform into a bat-like creature for Ashley’s darkest adventure. By the time it’s all over, I return to my usual form except the wings that replaced my arms move to my shoulders and didn’t retract. Believe me; I tried everything to remove them.

Announcer: You’ve still tempting to cut them off your back? That would be painful.

Red: Not anymore. I got used them being part of my usual look and I’m proud of it.

Announcer: Good for you. Red… He’s an extremely, repulsive abomination on the outside!

Red (sarcastically): You’re starting to hurt my feelings! I’m always treated as a sweet, adorable imp. No disfiguration here or there.

Announcer: No need to feel hurt! I’m sure your unattractive baby imp self will grow up into a dazzling appearance that males will get distracted at you.

Red (defending): I don’t need to grow up! Besides as a resident from the demon realm, I’m immortal! And I can shapeshift!

Announcer: Do you also transform into a humanoid model?

Red (disgusted): No! Just thinking of that makes me want to crawl in bed in fear! Regardless of gender!

Announcer: Red… He never ever listens to Ashley’s orders!

Red (irritated): Hey! Regardless of how scary Ashley is, I will always be there to assist her! No matter how dangerous the mission is or how much fear that will build up inside me!

Familiar voice: Ahem.

Red (gullibly, turns around to find Ashley): Hey Ashley?! What brings you here?

Ashley (rage): I’ve just called you over to help me with my plant growth potion 8 hours ago and you never arrived.

Red (feared): But Ashley! I don't remember having that spell schedule-

Before he can finish, Ashley fiercely swings her broom at Red’s impish figure swiftly force-smashing him into the wall like a mad tetherball.

Red (weakened): You… monster… (Passes out)

Announcer: Whew, look like I’m safe. Now you know repulsive, disobedient assistant, Red.

(camera backs away)


	9. Orbulon

Know your stars… Know your stars…

Orbulon (excited): Making an appearance in this show called “Know Your Stars” simply fills me with excitement! Eee-hehehe!

Announcer: Orbulon… He abducts whales for dinner!

Orbulon (shocked): Oh no! I would never hunt for tons of heavy cetacea on the wide ocean-

Announcer (interrupting): So you harpoon these giants for their warm blubber and thick oil?

Orbulon: Of course not! Besides, this tiny spaceship here can’t fit a heavy tank of blubber!

Announcer: Alright… Orbulon… Has completely, creepy, compound eyes!

Orbulon (irritated): Eeek! Don’t make of fun of my retinas! They’re dotted, adorable, and sky blue unlike an insect!

Announcer: Then take off your shades to show proof. Besides, no one loves your kooky shades anyway.

(Audience laughing and booing)

Orbulon (upset): Hey! You don’t go laugh or boo at my shades! They’re cool and protect my beady eyes against the strong ultraviolet rays. Taking them off on Earth would vaporize my eyesight to zero! Besides my Earth-folk friends adore my shades!

Announcer: Well, I don’t. Orbulon… He devours his pigs after abducting them!

Orbulon (extremely irritated): No! I only abducted hammies last time because I want to satisfy my lunch with 10 Megaburgers. But Gigantaburger happened to ran out of burgers! So, I abducted 17 hammies to hope they will burger them. However they rejected and I left with the hammies.

Announcer: I bet you skin your little “hammies” for fresh bacon and then devour them raw!

(Audience laughing and booing)

Orbulon (outraged): Why. Would. I. Do. Something. Revolting?! I just befriended them! They were great buddies to me while I was touring the Agate Forest! I would never skin them or eat them! All these nasty fabrications about me make my blood boil to maximum! *teleports away

…

Announcer: Did he rage quit? Now that’s hilarious. Now-

Angry pig snorting can be heard behind him. The announcer turned back to find a furious Orbulon riding on a large violent razorback.

Announcer: Oh… Hello Orbulon. Where were you after you rage quitted?

Orbulon (vengeful): Oh, I just “borrowed” a new hammy. A very, violent bull-hammy to be exact. Now Big Hammy, show that fiend to never mess with the high-IQ alien!

The grunting razorback readies himself by stepping backwards with rage and then swiftly charge against the intimidated announcer.

Announcer (nervous): Uh-oh. Now you know Pig-Eater Orbulon. SOMEONE! HELP A POOR MAN OUT! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

*beeps and statics


	10. Fronk

Know your stars… Know your stars…

Fronk: Heh. Looks like this tiny old creature is now facing the torments from this buffoon.

Announcer: Who’s the buffoon? Anyway, Fronk… His species’ life is completely miserable!

Fronk: Now. Now. That’s not true. We Fronks may be tiny, but we are the best in surviving the dangers of nature. Heck, we can survive being submerged in underwater for 3 days.

Announcer: What about several microgames featuring your kind? Most of them usually torture them in every way!

Fronk (ashamed): That? Sadly, they did treat us like this just for entertainment purposes. Heck, we Fronks aren’t respected that much from everyone besides 9-Volt and his friends. They never knew what we can truly achieve! Like-

Announcer: Blah blah blah. Whatever. Fronk… His species are blind as a bat!

Fronk: No way! None of us Fronks are blind as a nighttime creature!

Announcer: Then why did you wear glasses? Don’t blind people wear them?

Fronk: That’s a natural thing. All Fronks are born with glasses. They emphasize our intelligence that can even outsmart the likes of Dr. Crygor and can even equal the likes of Orbulon’s origin. Besides, glasses don’t correct blindness, only impaired vision.

Announcer: Yeah, yeah. Fronk… He lived inside a pet shop for 10 years!

Fronk (triggered): Hey! No one calls old Fronk a pet or the fact I rot inside a pet shop!

Announcer: Then by that logic, I guess 9-Volt should have released you like years ago!

Fronk (defensive): Technically, he did-

Announcer: Haha! Your “owner” must have really despise you that much, you useless insect, you!

Fronk (angered): No! You have mistaken! I went on a bigger journey of my greatest dreams than what explored while I’m in his house! By the way, he fully didn’t hate me! I came back to stay with 9-Volt for a week every month! And before you can say he dumped me again, I have assisted him to get over his fear of math! Hello?!

Announcer: Now you know, Fronk.

Fronk (angered): No, they heard unacceptable lies!

Announcer: Yes they do! Fronks are the most miserable creatures on Earth and that’s a fact!

Fronk (outraged): I’ve just told you I’m not a miserable, slimy insect! We Fronks will not tolerate of being called a pet, worthless and-(camera moved far enough to reduce his speech into minuscule chattering comparable to a baby chipmunk.)


	11. Lulu

Know your stars... Know your stars…

Lulu (bold): That’s right everyone! Luxeville’s greatest hero has taken the spotlight! Whatever you throw at me, I will ward it off!

Announcer: Lulu… She’s the worst hero ever to exist!

Lulu (scorn): Hey! No way has Lulu failed at being the hero! I have given Wario a run for his money when he stole Luxeville’s only way for relief! (realizing) Wait a minute. Is that you, Wario? When all this is over, I will hunt you down and will not only wipe off that stupid mustache off your face, but also smash your greedy overbite that you will never smile again!

Announcer: Oh? I’m not Wario? My voice is more clear and sexier than his.

Lulu (smitten) : But you don’t sound like that pretty horsey I became smitten with. Hehe!

Announcer: That’s enough, child. Lulu… She is Wario’s long lost daughter!

Lulu (vexed): Hey! No way am I related to that obese greedy tank of a thief!

Announcer: Oh really? Well, I have proof right here!

A robotic arm descends down with a photo of the “proof” in front of Lulu’s face.

It was a picture of Wario welcoming back Lulu greeting, “Oh little Lulu! I haven’t seen you since Day 1!” However, the photo didn't deceive her at all as she spot the obvious clue.

(Audience laughing)

Lulu: Hey! I suspect that you just pasted me and Wario’s face on someone’s body just by looking at it! I may hate Wario for stealing our potty, but I know he’s not elderly like Pops!

Announcer: Uh… No I didn’t!

Lulu: Yeah, you did! Even if it was true, I would be a teenager by then!

Announcer: Whatever you say, Little Liar Lulu.

Lulu (losing it) I’m not a liar!

Announcer: Lulu… She used Luxeville’s Golden Potty after she bought it back!

Lulu (revolted): Eew! Since when?! All I did is treasured in at the middle of Luxeville after I got disappointed that they bought a modern toilet but understand that the potty didn’t value their life that much.

Announcer: So you displayed it, after you crapped on it? That will break the record of the world’s smelliest treasure in The Top Tens. Your doo-doo must have been holding the reeking scent! That’s must be why you’re called Lulu Doo-Doo!

(Audience laughing)

Lulu (pissed off): I. DID. NOT! I swear back in Luxeville, we all cleaned it before we displayed it for sakes of history! We also checked to see any remaining doo-doo stains on the bottom and sides! I swear you are officially worse than Wario, you doo-doo loving pedophile! (Runs off)

…

Announcer: Another rage quitter? The more the merrier-

Lulu: Found you, you evil scum! No one insults the Hero of Luxeville and laughs at it! I’ll show you what I’ll do to scums like you!

Lulu brings out her Hydrocannon LX and was about to fiercely spray at the announcer’s face.

Announcer: Uh-oh. Now you know Lulu Doo-(blublublublublub)

*statics


	12. Vanessa

Know your stars... Know your stars…

Vanessa: Pfft. Thanks for the invite to this show. Not like anything else is going to make for that 1st placement for the Hawt House I would gotten… But on the bright side, I’m sure I’ll make Mona envious right here! (smirks)

Announcer: Vanessa… She’s an extremely off-key singer!

Vanessa (scorn): Hey! I’m not off-key! I’m a graceful singer. You know on priority to other famous singers like Beyoncé and Rihanna. I would have taken over the Hawt House too, if that traitor Mona didn’t push me down.

Announcer: Vanessa… She’s the leader of the Dodge City drug gang!

Vanessa (irritated): Hrrrm?! I don’t remember joining some drunk, drug-dealing city gang. I ganged up with Pizza Dinosaur to attempt to sabotage Mona from her big show!

Announcer: Oh really? Then what about this photo I took featuring you at the city last month?

The robotic arm descended down to reveal the surprising “truth” about Vanessa. It was a black and white photo of a drug-dealing gang with the banner being printed, “Get high! Dodge City will be Dodgy City!” The person in the middle happened to be her being the main sexual distraction for everyone else. (In reality, he just pasted Vanessa’s face on the stripper woman.)

Vanessa: Hey! I’m sure this is all a phony! Look, you pasted my face on that stripper!

Announcer: What? No! This is all natural!

Vanessa (angered): No, it’s not!

Announcer (ignoring her): Vanessa… She made out with Mona at the Hawt House at Saturday night!

Vanessa (furious): Hey! I so did not make out with that pizza-delivering traitor! I told you I’m jealous that she took up my big show at the Hawt House!

Announcer: But both of you did wear skimpy clothing and your outfits look similar! Can you look at your own outfit? It’s what bimbos normally wear! You and Mona will be best friends for life!

(Audience laughing)

Vanessa (outraged): You calling me a lesbian?! I just had a pep talk with some male high-schooler last Sunday! And I told you Mona is nothing but a spotlight stealer! When I find her again, I’ll give her a brutal beating that she’ll never forget! Hello?!

Announcer: Now you know… Vanessa.

Vanessa (outraged): They so did not!

Announcer: Yes they do…

Vanessa: They don’t know me! No one call me an off-key singer just because I didn’t score Number 1 at Ear Candy! I don’t work as a stripper in a drug-encouraging gang! And I so did not become lesbian partners with Mona! Hey! Come back here! I’ll get my revenge on you first, then Mona!


	13. Ashley

Know your stars… Know your stars…

Ashley: Ugh… How did I end up here? Whatever you are, make this moment quick or I will cast a spell on you.

Announcer: Ashley… She’s a lone wolf who cuts herself every night!

Ashley (irritated): Don’t you say it. Yes, I’m mainly a slave to my spell book. But I get lonely sometimes, so I took a stroll around Diamond City to meet my old friends. Recently, I just joined 5-Volt’s potluck last time and actually had a wonderful, gleeful time. You most likely mistake me for emo just because I’m a dark, magical girl. Hey, are you listening?

Announcer (ignoring her): Ashley… She’s failed every single one of her spells!

Ashley (irritated): Ugh. Not all of my spells are failures. The fails are mainly based on Red’s cooperation. It’s usually his fault when something goes wrong due to his cowardly attitude.

Announcer (still ignoring her): Ashley… Her only successful creation will rebel against her right now!

Ashley (confident and irritated): Hah, very funny. Nearly all of my potions and spells are successes. You expect me to fell for that unsuccessful lie?

Announcer: Oh? You think I’m lying? Well, who’s snarling and growling behind you?

Ashley (unsure): Hrm? (Turns around)

Behind her is her most successful creation she summoned months ago, the Monster Flower, a gigantic, thorny, carnivorous plant with red petals. It appears to be ravenous for Ashley.

Ashley (brave, but gullible): Hello Sanyuri. Long time, no see. I can sense you’re hungry right now.

Without hesitation, Sanyuri wraps its vines around Ashley and lift her up to its puffy maw.

Ashley: Calm down. I bought some fertilizing, steak-flavored treats with me to get you settled-

Without getting a clue from Ashley’s sentence, Sanyuri drops her inside its toothy mouth where she pried its jaws with her hands and her witch stick (Red).

Ashley (indignant): What’s wrong with you?! I didn’t get assistance from the Loquacious Spell Book to summon you only for you to revolt against me!

Announcer: I warned you…! Your successful creation is now out for your blood!

Ashley (pissed): *glares

Announcer: Now you know Ashley, the failed witch!

Ashley: Oh? You think you’re funny?! No one messes with the Great Ashley and think they can get away with it! When I get out of this gnarly situation, I'll cast-

Just as she was about to finish her protest, Sanyuri enclosed its jaws on her entire body leaving her witch stick flinging to the ground where Red returns to his usual form. He watches in horror as Sanyuri leaves with her witch ally inside its maw.

Red: Ashley!

As the camera back away from the scene, he swiftly scrambled to rescue his witch companion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I so did not regret writing this is all. I don't like Ashley anyway, so karma just got to her! But if it makes you better, she survived because Sanyuri didn't favor human flesh.


	14. Penny Crygor

Know your stars... Know your stars...

Penny (giggles): Call me Penny! I never had been at this show before. I wonder what discovery I’ll find here!

Announcer: Penny Crygor... Her favorite school subject is gymnastics!

Penny (confused): Huh? That’s not true. I only been to gymnastics when I’m in elementary and never took further periods of it so far because I’m not that interested in physical activity. On my favorite subject, I love science! Biology, physics, chemistry, you name it! Recently I’ve cracked an elixir that changes your voice and it’s a success!

Announcer: Quiet down, genki girl. Penny Crygor... She got arrested 15 times for killing one middle schooler each time!

Penny (panicked): Okay! That is so not true! Yes, I did killed something with a faulty elixir, but it’s only a lab rat! Not an innocent classmate! Okay, I have given Grandpa a stomachache, but luckily, I have a back-up tonic before I have to dial the hospital!

Announcer: Oh really? Then how come this police record about you says otherwise?

A robotic arm descends to reveal Penny’s criminal record. It contains 15 rows of her crime history which all say “Murdered innocent patient: (insert random name here that not one of her classmates)

Penny (objecting): Wait what? Looking closely, I guarantee that this record is all a phony!

Announcer: Are you sure?

Penny (defending): Of course! I don’t have a classmate named Sway-Sway, Dirty Dan, Billy Bob or any of the other names on this list! Besides, those are better off as pet names! Ask my science teacher or any of my other teachers in middle school!

Announcer: Whatever you say, one of Diamond City’s most wanted.

Penny (ticked off): *growls

Announcer: Penny Crygor... She invented a gadget that causes the extinction of dinosaurs!

Penny (disgruntled): This is another false assumption! Grandpa did transport me to the time of the dinosaurs with his time machine for us to study more about them. But I guarantee we didn’t invent anything to create a massacre at that era!

Announcer: I think you changed a huge event of ancient history with that fatal, spatial machine of yours! I can foresee education services now marking you two as a possible cause of a new era by summoning a meteor to create the genocide of dinosaurs!

(Audience laughing)

Penny (enraged): We’re not changing history! We just investigated the dinosaurs! Despite this not being a research field, I created a discovery! I discovered you are nothing but a heartless joker who does nothing but create false news about everyone!

Announcer (smirks): And what are you going to do about it?

With anger flowing inside her bloodstream, she grabs her heart shaped hairpin and twists around it. A small, but deadly heat-seeking missile emerges from the pin. Penny orders it to the darkest corner where the Know Your Stars announcer was lurking.

Announcer (feared): Oh. That... Now you know Penny Crygor, one of Diamond City’s most wanted and the one who caused-

The above quote was all he can speak out before the missile bombed the announcer, sending him flying backwards while crashing through the wall to an alleyway.

Penny (satisfied): Threat successfully eliminated. (Relaxes as the camera backs away from her.)


	15. Jimmy T.

Know your stars… Know your stars…

Jimmy T.: Oh yeah man! Jimmy’s in the house! I’m ready to get this party started! Woohoo!

Announcer: Jimmy Thang… He’s on the top ten list of breakdancing!

Jimmy T. (confused): Woah man. Time out. I’m completely uncomfortable with breakdancing! Hearing about it makes me cringe! Sounds like you’re breaking your limbs while dancing and that would be less hip! Disco and aerobics is the way to get your groove on, yo! Oh yeah!

Announcer: Jimmy Thang… He’s a world-famous drag queen!

Jimmy T. (horrified): What?! No! That’s just disgusting, man! Only homosexual men who are desperate for knocking up relationships dress like queens! A real man attracts ladies by boogieing all night! Oh and how can I forget the kitties!

Announcer: Are you sure? Then what’s this guilty pleasure of yours?

The robotic arm descends down to reveal Jimmy the “awful truth.” It was an animated video featuring an overfashioned drag queen (with Jimmy’s head edited to it) strutting his hips back and forth while singing “Everyone is Gay.”

(Audience laughing)

Jimmy T. (defending): Hey! What did you think you’re getting away with Jimmy saying, “everyone’s gay?!” I’ve increased my popularity with gals lately! Besides this video is photo-shopped!

Announcer: Whatever you say, drag queen.

Jimmy T. (pique): *growls

Announcer: Jimmy Thang… He will be joining the night club to shake his booty!

Jimmy T. (pissed): Alright! What is wrong with you all of the sudden?! Shaking my booty on ladies sound sick and perverted, man! I told you I preform stunts to attract them!

Announcer: But you are a “go-go” dancer.

Jimmy T. (enraged): Yeah, but not that kind of “go-go” dancer! I’m more a go-getter dancer! And it does not involve shaking my butt! Hello?!

Announcer: Now you know, Jimmy Thang.

Jimmy T. (outraged): No, they don’t!

Announcer: Yes they do. See you at the midnight rave!

Jimmy T. (outraged): All of these things you just said are not cool, man! I’m not joining a midnight rave to preform gay hip swaying or twerk at everyone! I don’t groove the dance floor by breaking my limbs and twitching at the floor! That would be less cool and more disastrous, yo! You hear me, man?! Anyone out there?!


	16. Dr. Crygor

Know your stars… Know your stars…

Dr. Crygor (panicked): Oh… Oh… How did I wound up here? Tell me I’m not a paranormal phenomenon that I wish I’m asleep!

Announcer: No worries, Dr. Crygor. This isn’t a dream, you’re in reality.

Dr. Crygor: It can’t be… (building bravery) I’ve no idea who you are, but you won’t be trashing the Crygorian genius!

Announcer: You hope… Dr. Crygor… He’s Waluigi’s great great great great grandfather!

Dr. Crygor: Hahaha! You’re starting to make me laugh! I’ve only known this lanky schemer of Wario's heir when 9-Volt showed me him in one of his games! It’s a coincidence that we have the same mustache shape. I believe you’re talking about Wallium Blake from 1700s. I’m just a mad scientist under the ownership of an intelligent granddaughter and a few robots.

Announcer: Okay, Mr. Wiseguy, how about this? Dr. Crygor… Wears American Flag Bikini and panties while working in the lab!

Dr. Crygor (sickened): What?! I prefer jumpsuits every day, with occasionally the scientist lab coat! It is how a mad genius dresses daily. Besides American bikinis are for flamboyant ladies at the sunny beach.

Announcer: Oh really? Why don’t you check underneath your jumpsuit?

Dr. Crygor (confused): What did you mean? All underneath my jumpsuit is my reborn, chiseled-

Before he can finish defending, he felt something other than his ribs under his spandex. He pulled the elastic from it, and was staggered. With cautious pulling, he gently removes the “underwear” without ripping his jumpsuit.

(Audience laughing)

Dr. Crygor (enraged): Alright! Did you think this is funny?! You put on this bikini under my suit while I was forced into a snooze!

Announcer: That’s proof that you do indeed wear American flag bikinis!

Dr. Crygor (enraged): Bikinis are for female specimen!

Announcer: Dr. Crygor… He humped Master Mantis right after the dance floor night!

Dr. Crygor (enraged): Okay, what in the gallium’s name is in your perverted mind at the moment?! We never planned any further interactions after the dance floor at night. I’m only impressed by his synchronized dancing moves and that’s all!

Announcer: You were impressed by synchronized what? Lap dancing? Any lap dancing will get your attention to encourage tangoing at your bedroom. An old couple sometimes- Hey, what are you doing?

Dr. Crygor (vengeful): Something I saved up for foolish simpletons like you. Presenting the Heat-Blaster-3000! Prepare to taste the scorching 101 °F rays, you soulless, malicious, villain!

Announcer (intimidated): As this point, I’ll outta here before my whole soul gets vaporized! Now you know Dr. Crygor. (flees)

As the announcer begs for himself to not get burned by scramming into the fire exit, Dr. Crygor cannons the 101 °F beams from the large invention to where the announcer standing, but he already saved his own life.

Dr. Crygor (psychopathic): Yeah, you better scram out of here, coward! I’ll blast your entire human body that you’ll longer wake up breathing in Earth! No one dresses Dr. Crygor in woman’s underwear or explains he does perverted objectives!

The camera cuts to static as Dr. Crygor continues blasting the entire setting.


	17. Manager Joe

Know your stars… Know your stars…

Joe: My, my. This looks interesting. But who else is there? Would you kindly show your face? You are really scaring me out right now…

Announcer: Don’t be afraid, Joe. I won’t harm you… Joe… He’s a huge fan of Taylor Swift!

Joe: Taylor Swift? Now don’t get me wrong. Her impressive voice brings tears to my soul, but it’s Sal Out who sparks me out the most of all! I’ve hired her to sing our “Mona Pizza” song! She’s like a delightful angel who’s allowed to hover overhead to spread melodic peace to Diamond City! Huhha!

Announcer (ignoring him): Joe… He pounded Ken during his first dog fight at a black market!

Joe (disgusted): Ugh! That’s disgusting! I don’t go pounding other mutts or go to dog fights! I can get arrested for that and lose all of the jobs I’ve managed!

Announcer: But you are a dog after all. How many babies will you and Ken have after you bail out of jail?

Joe (revolted): None because I told you I didn’t pound him! And that’s not how our species’ breeding works! We’re both genetic male!

Announcer (ignoring him): Joe… He received restraining orders from exactly 10 residents of Diamond City!

Joe (disgruntled): Okay, that’s all false! I’ve never gotten a single restraining order from resident at Diamond City! I’m the nicest beagle around who managed several jobs!

Announcer: You think? I just read this restraining order list about you signed from their lawyers. Let’s see… You were restrained from being near: Mona, Jimmy Thang, Dr. Crygor, Penny Crygor, Mike, Kat, Ana, Fronk, Young Cricket, and Master Mantis for closing up Club Joe before they can celebrate their biggest party. Joe, you can explain all of this?

Joe (angered): Yes, because I’ve never closed Club Joe upon them! They just arrived at the nick of time before I planned on doing so! I was in a complete state of astonishment by their motives there, but at least I’m friendly to other residents unlike you who will be always lurking in a corner for your entire life to tell lies about us! Plus like half of these residents on the list don’t even have assigned lawyers!

Announcer: Now you know, Joe the most restrained resident of Diamond City!

Joe (furious): You think you know me, moron?! At I’m at least a respected citizen unlike you! The only thing I’ll give a restraining order to is you! And then you won’t be shopping at Joe’s clothes or party at Club Joe or go any other business ran by me! This includes Mona Pizza!


	18. Sal Out

Know your stars… Know your stars…

Sal Out: Greetings everyone! You may know me as the pop-star presenting in front of Channel 120! You can expect a warm “thank you” after this segment! *winks at camera

Announcer: Sal Out… She sings like a whiny, little boy!

Sal Out (baffled and upset): Huh? I don’t sound like a little boy! Did you listen to my performance in Mona Pizza? My voice really shines like a sparkling swan during a concert! I wonder if you meant to talk about Cricket. His cracking voices are a nuisance sometimes.

Cricket (in a neighboring room, pissed): Hey! I’m still in backstage you know!

Sal Out (apologizing): Uh, I meant in a cute way! Sorry, Mr. Cricket! (giggles nervously)

Announcer: Sal Out… She got beaten down and fired by Mona Pizza Employees!

Sal Out (upset): What?! No I didn’t! I never hired to work for Mona Pizza full-time. I only sang their theme song! Besides Mona Pizza would shut down if me, someone innocent, gets beaten.

Announcer: So you got booed off their stage by screeching their song with that 4-year old vocal dissonance?

Sal Out (disgruntled): Of course not! And told you, my voice is comparable to a 19-year old singer! Not an attention-grabbing little boy!

Announcer: Sal Out… She arrested by the cops for prostitution in the empty streets!

Sal Out (disgusted): Okay, you’re beginning to make me feel sick! I never had done a single act of prostitution in the public. Not even empty streets!

Announcer: You mean you slap potato sacks full of money like they were round bubble puffs while dressing like a skank without pants while singing like a fluttery dove?

Sal-Out (angered): Are you treating me like I’m pretending to be a singing whore?! Are you even noticing I’m like one year younger than Mona?! I don’t know who you are, but I know you’re a complete no-lifer who probably wishes someone can sing for your “comfort”!

Announcer: Now you know Sal Out, the unemployed singing whore!

Sal Out (furious): Oh? You think you know me? In my next song, I’ll write, I’ll prove everything wrong about your statements! And it will be sung out for free, not for a naughty pleasure! Also, it won’t emulate the screeches of a little child! You hear me out, stranger!


	19. Mona

Know your stars… Know your stars…

Mona: Hello everybody! You may call me Mona. I wonder if there’s a present for me.

Announcer: There is no present for you…. yet! You’ll receive a “well-deserved” present after this segment.

Mona (baffled): Uh… Sure.

Announcer: Mona… She’s admires Mario as her hunk!

Mona (politely): Um… No. I’ve never met Mario in person. And what I’ve heard from all my friends who met him, his body type is not what you’ll call a hunk! I prefer Wario over him. He may be fatter, but he’s much cooler and I love his stache, and that motorcycle! More fashionable than mine!

Announcer: Mona… She eats junk food all day!

Mona (politely): Huh? I’m like any sane woman who prefers to be the right body type. I keep a healthy diet of fruits, protein, and other healthy food. I like fresh, hot pizza too, but I don’t chow down on it all the time!

Announcer: But if you admire Wario, you have to be like him, right?

Mona (miffed): I don’t have to! Besides, I also admire Wario for his nose for treasure!

Announcer: Mona… For a thin woman, she’s pretty gassy and farts a lot!

Mona (stands up to protest): Okay! I’ve told you I don’t have to be like Wario in order to admire him. Like everyone else, I’m not interested of some of his unhygienic issues; I only love him because his style and some antics of his fit my type! I’m even willing to kiss him even though his face is unattractive!

Announcer: Alright Wario fangirl. Settle down for a little bit and go back to your seat.

Mona (scoffs): Fine.

At the point she sat back down, she heard a large “PFFFTTTT” sound which stunned her.

(Audience laughing)

Announcer: Pew-Yew, young lady! You passed out one large skunk-smelling gas! Go to the bathroom and wash yourself right now!

Mona (angered with the prank in her grip): This isn’t funny, you moron! I didn’t create that loud, stinky fart! You sandwiched this whoopie cushion under my seat when I wasn’t sitting down! Also (cringes) did you print that poop emoji on it and dip it in a garbage dump just to embarrass me even more, jerk?! Hello?!

(Audience laughing)

Announcer: Now you know Mona, the gassy fangirl.

Mona (furious): I’m not gassy! I told you slammed this stinky bologna of nonsense just to make me smell horrible! And I don’t need to be like the boyfriend I have a crush on! He’s impressed by someone with a nice figure and a tidy routine like me! He’ll be my crush until the day we both die! Hear me out you jerk, who somewhat happened to worse than Wario!


	20. Pizza Dinosaur

Know your stars… Know your stars…

Pizza Dinosaur Boss: Huhahahaha! Greetings everyone! I’m the Boss of Pizza Dinosaur, Ceazar Dinor! But you may refer me as Pizza Dinosaur in this segment. Heheh. Mona Pizza should have steams of envy in their eyes.

Announcer: Thanks for reminding. Pizza Dinosaur… All of their pizza restaurants have closed down!

Ceazar (angered): What did you just say?! Pizza Dinosaur will and always be open for business. Well, half of our stores have closed down, but who cares if we don’t have many customers? We’ll always be serving food for them plus we are everywhere!

Announcer: Pizza Dinosaur… Thinks Mona Pizza is superior to them in every way!

Ceazar (triggered): Hey! No way is that orange girly pizza bazaar any better than us! Yes, we admit our crusts are tough and our sauce is thin. But compared to that bar having only one block, we got six thousand and one stores in total around the world! Well, have of them have dwindled, but they still got nothing compared to that amount!

Announcer: Pizza Dinosaur… As a loyal customer, I would like to order from you.

Ceazar (guillible): Ah! Perfect! It’s been a while since we have a loyal customer! How we may help you?

Announcer: I would like to order 4 Mona Specials, a chili dog with extra spicy sauce and one hot lady!

(Audience laughing)

Ceazar (pissed): Grrr! This has to be like the 50th time we’ve gotten nothing but a prank call. What do you think we are?! Some trashy restaurant who's notable for hot maids and various fast food?! This isn't Hooters, you vermin! That freaking does it! I’m calling my backup employees to take care of this mess! *takes out phone and dials number

Announcer (mocking): Oh, what are you going to do Mister? You’re going to fill up my order or will you get scolded by him and which he may cause him to call his lawyer to sue you?

After he finished mocking like a bully in sheep's clothing, large snorting came from behind the corner he’s hiding. He looked up to caught his horror of a fierce, gnarling, cerulean robotic dinosaur glaring at him as it was ready to eat him.

Employees (angered): What did you think you’re doing with trash-talking about our company, intruder? Our boss is displeased by your insults!

Announcer (nervous): Uh… Now you know Pizza Dinosaur-

The above statement is all he can say before the giant dinosaur corporation speeds it's engine to run over him as he skedaddles out of here.


	21. Dribble

Know your stars… Know your stars…

Dribble: Ergh… What’s going on here? Regardless, I’m taking Spitz’s advice, stay cool. 

Announcer: Dribble… He’s a completely speedy drunk driver who keeps crashing into other cars!

Dribble (staying cool): Drunk? Okay, time out! I’m just a speed freak! It’s pretty normal for someone who takes a job in taxi service! Besides, I never crashed into anyone as far I can remember!

Announcer: Well, you should take consideration into safety sometimes. No one should ever drink and drive.

Dribble (irritated): I’ve just told you I don’t drink! I’m just a big ol’ speed freak! You go and try transporting other customers to their destinies location in their own desired time!

Announcer (ignoring him): Dribble… He sells steroids in space!

Dribble (angered): Steroids?! There ain’t no way I go to space for steroid enterprising! I go there for assisting intergalactic travels for aliens! It helps increase our payment and business!

Announcer: Why not? A big buff guy like you might be the best for a mascot of a steroid brand!

Dribble (angered): It’s not what you think “pal”! Like every musclebound guy, I work out at the gym during my break! I never take steroids either! That can impair my accuracy and strength while driving!

Announcer: Dribble… He’s best known as the big, buff guy at FurryCon!

Dribble (furious): Hey! No way have I been participating in a get-together for freaky people dressed as animals! I’m known for being one of the cabbies at Diamond City!

Announcer: Oh really? Then what do I have right recorded right here?

The television descended right in front of Dribble’s muzzle. It turned itself on to display footage from a furry convention. It features an orange, shirtless, muscular guy who’s cosplaying as large bulldog except he also has Dribble’s head edited onto him. There are other colorful, homosexual men in fur suits sexually touching his pecs and abs while he smiles.

(Audience laughing)

Dribble (disgusted): Come on man! You’ve made this all up! Besides, no one but Spitz and my wife can touch this body!

Audience (snickering): And why would you share that?

Dribble (furious): Because I’m not letting strangers like you to smother on my fur! The only piece of me you will feel is my big, strong grip when I strangle your lil’ neck!

Announcer: Uh… Now you Dribble, the buff, furry guy!

Dribble (furious): Hey! You can’t close this segment on me without letting me finish protesting! I’m tellin’ you! I’m not a drunk driver or became a big, gay star at a FurryCon! I’m telling you drinking and driving would get me suspended from my job! Hey you! Get back here! I’m not done with you!


	22. Spitz

Know your stars… know your stars…

Spitz: Hiya! My name’s Spitz. And I’m here to stay cool like in every unsuspicious situation!

Announcer: Spitz… He was stabbed in both of his eyes!

Spitz: Woah there! I was never stabbed in any place of my body. No one would stab a little kitty like me, even though I am a rough and tough cabbie! This includes both of my eyes!

Announcer: You sure about that? Then how come your eyes are shut like that?

Spitz: My eyesight’s poor. I have to keep squinting just to adjust it to about the coordination of a supervisor. I’m promising you I’m not blind! I can’t take the role as Dribble’s boss if I’m blind!

Announcer: Spitz… He never takes a shower for 6 months!

Spitz (angered): Hey! I just took a bath this morning and will take another one at evening! Besides, I’m sure you’re making that misassumption because my name’s Spitz!

All of the sudden, a large punching glove pushes into Spitz’s back pushing him from the hot seat into a container of doggie drool he didn’t remember that was placed in front of the seat.

(Audience laughing)

Spitz (disgusted): EWW! Is this mutt saliva?!

Announcer: It’s a present for you from your cabbie pal to encourage you to take a shower!

Spitz (revolted): My pal Dribble is a tidy bulldog! He’ll never gift an ol’ pal like Spitz a puddle of dog spit! Just because he’s named Dribble doesn’t mean he drools all the time! After this whole utter nonsense, I have to wash my whole spitzy fur in a public bathroom…

Announcer: Spitz… He takes pictures of Dribble in the bathroom!

Spitz (vexed): Hey! Now you stop talking for just a second! I never stalk Dribble’s naked self while he’s washing himself in the bathroom! Besides I don’t plan on having a crush on him!

Announcer: You sure about that? How about checking out these photos of your self-empathy for Dribble?

A mechanical hand extracts in front of the cat’s muzzle and lays out 5 embarrassing photos of Dribble in the bathroom like a hand of cards. Each reveals him being naked (with his crouch censored) and doing his normal routines every night like drying himself with a towel, taking a shower and brushing his fangs. All are signed by a cursive “Spitz” with a cat print.

(Audience laughing)

Spitz (lost it): Grrrrr! (grabs photos and tears them apart) You dumb bucko! These aren’t my pictures! These are yours with an extremely perverted mind with possible intention to smut with Dribble!

Announcer (nervous): Uhh… No they’re yours. Uhh… Now you know Spitz. I’m getting out of here before this wild pussycat try to slash my kneecaps apart.

Spitz (outraged): Yeah! Get the hell out of here you immature bucko! There’s no way is anyone allowed to shove me into a pile of sticky drool or take naughty pictures of us cabbies! When I met you in person, I'll immediately get out my bazooka and fire it in your face! Pants… I’m done yelling for today. I need to take a bath right now…


	23. Kat and Ana

Know your stars… know your stars…

Ana (nervous): Uh… Kat? I’m unsure what’s going on right now. I’m getting nervous…

Kat (determined): Calm down, Ana. This may have even nothing a tricky illusion. Whatever it is, we’re going repel it away.

Announcer: Kat and Ana… They think Dribble and Spitz are sexy!

Kat (baffled): Uh… What? Did you say we think the cabbies are sexy?!

Ana (grossed out): Gross! Okay, we just think they’re cool and friendly and a bit rough and tough, but we never find them sexy!

Kat: We’re not one of the animal lovers who want to touch their muscles. We just swing around Dribble’s arms.

Announcer: Kat and Ana… Their favorite food is turtle soup!

Kat and Ana (horrified): Ugh! No way, we ever tasted the innocent cuteness of our turtle friends!

Announcer: Why not? Turtle soup’s a hit for Japanese foreigners like you!

Kat and Ana: Because turtles are our friends! Okay, we like turkey, chowder, apple pie, sushi and other kinds of food, but we’re not taking the chance for eating our friends!

Announcer: Kat and Ana… They have tons of served animal heads at home!

Kat and Ana (furious): For the last time, we love animals! We will never keep their head as trophies! That’s for cruel poachers!

Announcer: But what about your little swords? Your blades can cut off the spines of the animals in one swipe! Without any blood dripping, they perfectly fit in the wooden displays!

Kat and Ana (vengeful): Ninjutsu! *vanishes

Announcer: Looks like they quit to come crying to their mommy. Hope they don’t run into PETA on their way home. Now you know Kat and Ana- hmm? Why did it suddenly feel chilly in this room of all the sudden?

He looked down on his body and found out all of his clothes bar his boxers have been shredded to fabric like a pile of ripped toilet paper. He embarrassingly covers himself up while he hears giggling from the two ninjas as they vanished.

Announcer (pissed): Why you little...! Tailor!

*statics


	24. 9-Volt

Know your stars… Know your stars…

9-Volt: Sup everyone! 9-Volt here! Hey 18-Volt! I’m hope you’re watching this! I’ll be home soon!

Announcer: 9-Volt… His real name is Niner Forty Niner!

9-Volt (jokingly): Hehe, you’re kidding right? I wonder if you got this from some silly folk song because I know my name’s not Niner Forty Niner. My real name is 9-Volt, really!

Announcer (snickering): Really? Who even call their son, 9-Volt?! This has the most ridiculous name I’ve ever heard!

9-Volt (disgruntled): It’s not ridiculous! My mom named me after her gaming system! Besides all my friends think my name’s cool! Besides Niner Forty Niner is more ridiculous than my own name!

Announcer: Quiet down, kiddo. Niner Forty Niner… He’s a huge Sonic fan!

9-Volt: Hey! Sonic’s cool and all but I will always be Nintendo’s biggest fan! Plus, I told you my real name’s 9-Volt! Not that wacko of a name!

Announcer: Whatever. Niner Forty Niner…

9-Volt (angered): My name’s 9-Volt!

Announcer (miffed): Alright fine, crybaby. 9-Volt… He leaves anonymous hate comments on Mario videos on Youtube!

9-Volt (angered): Hey! Mario will always be my gaming icon! And he’ll be my icon for the rest of my life! Besides, I’m too young for a YouTube account!

Announcer: Really? Then what do I have here within these snippets?

The television descends down to reveal some YouTube comments typed from an underage user without a unique profile pic.

Each comment has mean messages saying that Mario is a poor excuse of a gaming icon while boasting how Sonic is better than him in every other way! The username is Niner “9-Volt” Forty Niner and the mean comments respond to a video named “Super Mario Tribute.”

(Audience laughing)

9-Volt (furious): Come on man! These comments are not mine at the first place! They are probably belong to some anon I’m not familiar with! In fact, I’m not even allowed to have one until I’m least 13! You listening to me?!

Annoncuer: Now you know Niner “9-Volt” Forty Niner, the Sonic fanboy who has a hateboner for Mario!

9-Volt (furious): I’ve told you for one last time, my name’s 9-Volt! Also I don’t hate Mario in favor for Sonic the Hedgehog and I’m too young for a social media account! And Niner Forty Niner is a ridiculous name for folks in some western country! Who’s making fun of me?! Hello?!


	25. Ralphie

Know your stars… Know your stars…

Ralphie (nervous): They said I’m the last victim here… I’m feeling nervous…

Announcer: Ralphie… His father is an orangutan!

Ralphie: Umm… I sure I was born with of my mother being a raccoon and my father is a red panda. I guess you thought I’m half orangutan because of my orange fur, but I got my color from my father.

Announcer: Ralphie… He takes his PlayStation with him everywhere he goes!

Ralphie (shocked): Okay, that’s impossible! I only took my PlayStation at show-and-tell day at my class! Besides, bringing a PlayStation everywhere isn’t as fun as bringing a 3DS around. There’s nothing to play on it without a television. Plus it’s way too heavy.

Announcer: Even at times you’re not allowed to have any electronics?

Ralphie (admittedly): Well, yes. But I’m remembering to try not to bring it there especially water slides which I love going to!

Announcer: Ralphie… He kisses his reflection at the touch screen at his 3DS!

Ralphie (disgruntled): Okay, now you’re being crazy right now! I’ve never kissed myself on my game! Yes, I love playing games on it, but I never kissed it! That’s pretty embarrassing and disgusting!

Announcer: If you love your game so much, why don’t you marry it?

(Audience laughing)

Ralphie (disgruntled, about to break): Come on already! I swear 13-Amp and other big kids keep taunting me like that! I’m not even old enough to date and plus you can’t date an electronic device! Hello? Who’s telling these mockeries? It better not be you again, 13-Amp!

Announcer: Now you know Ralphie, the husband of his 3DS with an orangutan father.

Ralphie (lost it): No they don’t! I’m not marrying my 3DS! Imagine all the babies that would be born if this happens! That would be extremely horrifying! An animal and a gaming system can’t date at all, you crazy goof! And I just told you my father is not a wild orangutan! Where’s the big rapping guy if you need him? Tell him that this bully up there is telling me hurtful lies!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter, because he's another minor character that wasn't well known by the fandom.
> 
> Now that he's out of the way. Wario's turn is coming!...
> 
> Or is it?


	26. Young Cricket (Round 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What? Did I say Wario's next? Sorry, that's all fake news. Instead all WarioWare employees will take a second round of humiliations and may even face harsher punishments.

Know your stars… Know your stars…

Cricket (just woken up from tranquilization): Ugh… That was a long, sudden sleep. Master, was this all part of my training? (Regained senses) Wait… What am I doing here once again? Last time, I remember I was training at a campfire!

Announcer: Welcome back Cricket! You’re once again our first candidate for Round 2!

Cricket (miffed): Hey! I remember you! You called me a whining drama king who eats nothing but tooth-rotting sweets!

Announcer: Yes, that’s me. We had some fun last time!

Cricket (miffed): Fun? I have better fun when I was training in another area similar to a funfair than being told dishonorable lies about me. No more silly tricks this time. Master and I know what’s coming.

Announcer: If you say so…Young Cricket… He uses mud to keep his hair up straight!

Cricket: Mud? Okay, I don’t know where you got that from. I regularly use a hairspray and rubber bands to keep my hair like this. If I used mud, my hair would smell bad right now.

Announcer: But I spy you rolling into the wet puddle.

Cricket: Listen, that’s because I was knocked back by the impact of Master’s strong kick! You still have no proof I used mud for styling!

Announcer: Okay, Young Cricket… is actually a giant insect disguised as a human.

Cricket: Hey! No I’m not! I’m all human on the inside. I don’t rub my legs to emit tiny chirps or screech wildly! I can't believe you're dishonoring what my master called me! oIf you’re going to do that, I’m going to track you down and kick your-

Announcer: Yeah, shut up. Young Cricket… Remember what you said about your moment at your kiddy ride?

Cricket: Yes, I told you that trial was rather hard and no one is watching us, so I’m not embarrassed by it!

Announcer: You think no one’s watching? You didn’t let the clip finish last time.

The dreaded hand returned to reveal the “rest” of the clip of his training. It reveals the Precious Prancer he was clinging flings him and his master off his back. Following it was tons of laughter and pointing from an audience (that wasn’t even there at the first place) that keep taunting and laughing, “Lol! Lol! Look at that whiny little childish brony! He sure can’t live without his pony waifu!!!”

(Audience laughing)

Cricket (losing it): Hey! I swear you just implanted the audience teasing at this scene! I know that no one but us and that little girl was in the amusement park!

Announcer: Whatever you say, drama manchild king!

Cricket (lost it completely): I just f***ing told you, I’m not a f***ing drama king or a manchild whatever that is! You go try riding a Precious Prancer at high speeds and come back to me!

Announcer: Now you know Young Cricket-

Cricket (boiling point): No, they f***ing don’t!

Announcer: Yes they do. I’m calling security.

Cricket (boiling point): Call security for what? To get them to find out you’re spreading lies, you asshole?! I’m telling for one last f***ing time, I’m not a drama king! You have to b*tch about tons of things and abuse everyone to become a big, brainless drama king! And about that brony part, who said men had to be bronies to like them. We goddamn boys can like-

In the middle of his protest, another tranquilizing needle shot at his butt, ceasing his speech as he drop dead on the floor.

Announcer: Tsk, tsk. Didn’t your parents taught you stop cursing, drama king?

He smirks as an intern drags the unconscious Cricket by his leg off the stage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cricket's just reaching his breaking point. He's a sweet guy most of the time, but don't make fun of his training, okay?
> 
> Next up, Master Mantis will suffer the second round of lies.


	27. Master Mantis (Round 2)

Know your stars… know your stars…

Mantis (miffed): You fiend again… You have already dishonored me last time. You better show some respect this time…

Announcer: All right. Master Mantis… He kissed Dr. Crygor at exactly 12 am!

Mantis (ticked off): Ahem! I already told you I never dated Dr. Crygor! You said you would treat me with respect this time, and you still smack-talk me like I’m a homoerotic old man?!

Announcer: Alright. Alright. No more of this gay promos. Master Mantis… He went training in an amusement park because he’s plain stupid!

Mantis (disgruntled but staying calm): Not true. I’m telling you why we went training in an amusement park. I may stay serious but I’m still one of these elders who want to revisit their youth. However, Cricket’s pretty obsessed with becoming a kung-fu master, so I have to convince his inner eye that the funfair is actually the gravest of danger.

Announcer: You better hope no one’s laughing at you, dumbo.

Mantis: Of course no one is! In fact, Cricket enjoyed this whole prospect of excitement, that he's willing to do it again! (stern) Speaking of Cricket, he hasn’t returned yesterday since we were both knocked out, you’ve got any clue where he is?

Announcer: I’ve got your answer right here. Master Mantis… Cricket’s kidnapped and he was tied up at the darkest corner!

Mantis (lost it): What?! You kidnapped him?! You’ve think you’ve lured him into your damn corner that we assaulted you in?!

Cricket (or could be faking him): Ow! Help me master! That scary anonymous announcer just captured me and now he’s spanking me! Ow!

Mantis (outraged): That was your last freaking chance for me to regain my honor for you! No one kidnaps my student before he mastered all his techniques! You, in the darkest corner, prepare to get a Mantis Fury by the old master himself! (Runs towards the darkest corner) When I crush you again, I guarantee you will be crying for your guardian!

…

Announcer: *snickers

…

Mantis (terrified): What?! Spiders?! (Exits from the corner with being covered in toy venomous spiders)

(Audience laughing)

Announcer: Gotcha, stupid!

Mantis: I’m not stupid, you blasted hooligan!

Announcer: Now you know Master Mantis, the dumbest, gay master of all. DDDUUUHHHH!!

Mantis (outraged): I’m freaking telling you I’m not dumb and I'm not gay! You deceive me by forcing disrespect at our hard work and then warping somewhere so you can tease me with where you hid Cricket! When I get out of this mess, I will hunt you down until you release him and respect our effort in training! Huff… Where did I put my headache pills? *passes out

Announcer (gloating): Hohoho! I love me!

Next to him was a distressed Cricket tied up in ropes with his mouth gagged and confiscated of all his clothes bar his boxers, who would also be threatening him, “You are an complete disgraceful being, you assholish sicko…” but was muffled by the ball gag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mantis also has a breaking point. He's a serene old man most of the time as long as you don't hurt, kidnap or torture Cricket in any way.
> 
> Next time, it's Mike's turn to suffer more horrible lies.


	28. Mike (Round 2)

Know your stars… know your stars…

Mike (discomforted): Groan. I’m not feeling comfortable being in this trick show again.

Announcer: You’ll get over it. Mike… Is really a half monster half robot with a last name, Wazowski!

Mike: Haha. Once again your jokes are nothing but a strip of an envelope sliding of my scrap metal. You just “borrowed” that silly name from Mike Wazowski from Monsters Inc. and I’ve calculated I’m 100% robot.

Announcer: Hurry up, Mike Wazowski! You’re going to run late for your job at Monsters Inc! Sully’s waiting for you.

Mike: Hey. The only thing that’s running late is my robotic rampage over your dead body. My anger moods are programming right now!

Announcer: Mike Wazowski … He’s betraying Sully for Randall Bogards.

Mike: Hahaha. You’re still dreaming like I’m playing as that one-eyed green monster from the monster movie? Yes. I admit it’s a very good movie. But I don’t play a role in it.

The announcer didn’t respond. Instead, a detached door suddenly falls toward Mike’s head. Lucky for him, the door opened before the wooden structure can even touch his microphone.

Mike: Hey! You almost caused a malfunction on me!

Announcer: Whoops. Sully, be careful up there!

Sully (angered): Well, sorry! I’m not letting him betray me completely! Fine! You go ditch me as all I can care!

(Audience laughing)

Mike (angered): Alright, Mike Wazowski and I don’t even look similar! You keep making this up just because we’re both assistances to the main deal!

Announcer: Fine. Mike... He’ll take a role in the next Toy Story movie!

Mike (angered): Hey! I never like Toy Story! It’s full of deranged, idiotic CGI little toys that can’t outsmart a karaoke robot!

Announcer: Why not? Your musical voice fits perfectly for it!

Mike (furious): You think so?! It better off fitting in a teenager’s cartoon! I’m supposed to sound like a robotic version of that student and alien!

Announcer: Now you know Mike, the supreme actor of Disney!

Mike (furious): I don’t even work for Disney!

Another door tries to smash Mike, but he got out of the way before it can hit him this time.

Mike (steaming): Also, can you please tell that monster up in the rooftop to cut it out?! Tell him that I’m not his one-eye monster friend who would betray him for his rival and a bunch of children’s toys! I’m telling you, I’ll track you down and steal both of your kneecaps-

Flying doors continuously fall on the stage where Mike is, smashing into wooden splinters. This prevents him from finishing his speech as he repeatedly dodges the debris until one manages to crush him, rendering his systems and mobility damaged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know Mike could play a role in a Disney movie, maybe... naw.
> 
> Next up, is 5-Volt's second verbal torture.
> 
> P.S. This KYS was going to have to "mistake" Mike for another robot voiced by Robbie Daymond. But I forgot his name and never know much about this show.


	29. 5-Volt (Round 2)

Know your stars… Know your stars…

5-Volt (disgruntled): Well, look who has returned…

Announcer: 5-Volt… overcooks all of her meals!

5-Volt (politely): Oh, once again. Your silly lies won’t fool me. As a loving and caring parent, I make sure my meals are cooked just right! Breakfast, lunch, dinner, all will be well done! I’m not feeding my son and his pet burnt garbage!

Announcer: 5-Volt… She’s far too weak to even lift a sheet of blanket!

5-Volt (miffed): You got to be kidding me… You’re still treating me I’m a total failure of a sick parent? I participated in a commercial work gained enough strength and recently to lift a cabinet full of dishes and glass cups to rescue my son’s game without breaking my back! And that quality of robustness should be able to knock you out cold after I just scare you again!

Announcer: With these flimsy fingers and arms of yours? Your arms look like they’re made of wet, rotten newspaper!

5-Volt (angered): Really? You dimwitted mind still says that looks are everything?! Just wait until I come to your dreaded corner and punch all of your teeth from your mouth after a second scare from me!

Announcer: Hold on, missy. I’m not finished yet. 5-Volt… she swear at little kids!

5-Volt (angered): Alright, this is also not true! I don’t swear at sweet little children like my son! Sure, I scare him sometimes when he stayed up past his bedtime to play games but that’s to make sure he doesn’t go insane and cranky at school! I'm done holding back! (Runs to backstage)

Announcer: Heh-heh… She won’t be scaring my balls away this time…

…

5-Volt: Wait a minute. Where’s my mask? Don’t tell me I accidentally left it at the stage…

The backstage lights suddenly dimmed to darkness leaving 5-Volt stunned and confused.

Announcer: Looking for this, wimp?

The lights returned turned on at where she’s to reveal a large unidentified monster with 5-Volt’s demon mask stitched on it! Its screeches are so terrifying that it can deafen Godzilla or any other giant monster. It’s just enough to raise 5-Volt’s frightened feelings to the maximum point.

5-Volt (frightened): Yipes! (Runs offscreen)

Announcer: Haha! I’ve scared her jibbers for good! Now you know 5-Volt, the easily frightened wimp!

*camera back away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stale jokes again... But I have some writer's block and 5-Volt's a new employee so what can I do?
> 
> Maybe I should have skipped her...
> 
> It's 18-Volt's turn again... What new jokes will drive him crazy?


	30. 18-Volt (Round 2)

Know your stars… Know your stars…

18-Volt: Not you chump again… You better not think about trashing me this time…

Announcer: Too bad… 18-Volt… is a vicious cannibal!

18-Volt (disgusted): Okay, you’re still continuing to be gross! Name one time I have tried to eat a person like myself alive and I can argue that you’re wrong! Besides, I'm more of a vegetarian since the idea of eating meat just grosses out!

Announcer: I got one! 18-Volt… He once bit 9-Volt’s head!

18-Volt (horrified): Woah! That wasn’t true! One time when I was greeting my Player 1, I accidentally slipped on a little puddle while talking and my open jaws went "glomp" on 9-Volt’s helmet! That was the most embarrassing thing in my life since breaking 9-Volt’s Game and Watch and 9-Volt was scared about it that he wanted to keep that a secret. Thankfully, none of my teeth are broken.

Announcer: Are you sure that wasn’t on purpose? This may emphasize your jealously as Player 2 under his shoulder.

18-Volt (furious): Of course it was a silly accident! And I just told you before I’m never jealous to be 9-Volt’s Player 2 last sketch!

Announcer: Sure you’re not jealous… 18-Volt… here’s 100 dollars.

18-Volt (confuzzled): Okay… I do need that amount to buy a replacement for my broken down Game and Watch one year ago.

Announcer: Now rap “Mom’s Spaghetti” out loud to me.

(Audience laughing)

18-Volt (furious): Well, how about I rap your ass out of here with a variant of my favorite rap battle “18 x 13” except against you instead of 13-Amp! No one compares my dad to Snoop Dog or his crappier counterpart!

Announcer: Offer rejected. Now you know 18-Volt. Call him to rap to your ears!

18-Volt (outraged): Well, I’m telling you that I’m not your rapping slave! I guarantee I’ll never jealous to 9-Volt let alone the fact I tried to create a snack out of him! Take your counterfeit offers as I care! When we meet again, I’ll blare out my most epic rap to your head, that your eardrums will bleed!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was refreshing compared to 5-Volt second KYS...
> 
> I hope 18-Volt roasts that darn announcer for good...
> 
> Next up is Red's turn again! (Or Orbulon's depending on my current writer's state...)


	31. Red (Round 2)

Know your stars… Know your stars…

Red: I’m feeling more uncomfortable than before... I wish Ashley’s here right now…

Announcer: Red… He hates Ashley’s guts!

Red (ticked off): Hey! Are you saying I never liked Ashley to begin with? Sure she may be really scary especially if one of her most dangerous spells succeeds in any way, but I still admire her dark, moody nature and will always serve her until her death!

Announcer: Red… He betrayed Ashley to join Gahrumble after she summoned her!

Red (miffed): Come on! I just told you I will never betray Ashley! After she summoned him, I translated his entire mumbling to help her understand the realm’s recent troubles!

Announcer: But aren’t you a demon?

Red (upset): I’m more of a friendly imp. Besides not every one of us demons are full of hatred and evil!

Announcer: But what could your conservation to Gahrumble’s mumbling really mean? Are you planning to form an alliance of all your friends so you can form an army of demons so you can take over the world?

Red (angered): That wasn’t conservation! That was just discernible mumbling that translates to Hum Gree’s wreaking havoc in his realm!

Announcer: I don’t believe you. Red… He’s a permanent slave to Hum Gree!

Red (angered): For hell’s sake, I’ve told you like the fifth time already! I’m not leaving Ashley! Besides the Hum Gree is the usual horrifying dragon that you’ll see kidnapping princesses! Did you see him breathe fire and devouring other souls?! He’s nothing but a searing, grim reaper of a tyrant!

Announcer: You mean you were told to brush his huge molars inside his jaw?

Red (disgusted): No way I will do that nasty objective! I heard Hum Gree’s entire mouth is filled of devil-egg scented gas from meals he ate for weeks! It’s rather reeking inside his jaws!

Familiar Voice: So I heard you left me in the midnight dust yet again?!

Red (stunned then turned to look around): Ashley?! It’s not what you heard to this shady tattletale! He is telling lies! I’m telling you the truth!

Ashley (rage): If you’re not willing to become an ingredient to my potion, at least you can be the dark lord’s breakfast.

Ashley starts waving her back-up magic wand she had in store in case Red’s in a bad condition, which he’s ironically about to succumb right now.

Red (convincing): Wait-

Before he’s able to convince to get her attention, the magical lightning from Ashley’s wand zapped Red, reducing him into a piece of toast that's incapable of talking.

Ashley: When I said you won’t be my friend, you’re toast and I mean it. Literary. (Leaves stage)

Announcer: Man, I’m so great at roasting this little, timid imp. Now you know Red, he’s now toast.

*camera backs away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may ran out of jokes, but at least I can get the "you're toast" joke out...
> 
> Next up, Orbulon will face more tattletales.


	32. Orbulon (Round 2)

Know your stars… Know your stars…

Orbulon (miffed): The most disastrous Earth-Folk has arrived once again… You better not mess with my pigs or else…

Announcer: I won’t… Orbulon… hates the planet he’s born in!

Orbulon (sarcastically complicating): Aww… Once again all of your silly theories are nothing but distorted holograms. Even though I currently reside in Earth, I will always remember my folks from my home turf. Occasionally, I write messages back.

Announcer: You mean messages like this one?

Out of nowhere, a flat piece of Taenite with a message carved on it strikes on the floor with breaking. The stone barely touched the fragile Oinker.

Orbulon (irritated): Hey! Did you realized my Oinker’s frail as a little blue jay?! (picks up note) Hmm…? “So you’re abandoning our home planet for Earth? That’s fine with us. We no longer care for you anymore.” Signed Orbulus Family

Announcer: Feeling blue yet? You can always rethink your family used to adore you.

Orbulon (stern): No, because this note is in plain Earth-folk language! My species speaks in a foreign outer space language!

Announcer: Whatever. Orbulon… he’s not smarter than a preschooler!

Orbulon (building anger): Hey! I’m smarter than an Earth-folk preschooler! Also, seniors and foolish bosses cannot outmatch my IQ of 300!

Announcer: Really? Can your IQ answer this? Answer this statement without answering it at all or else something bad happens.

(Audience laughing)

Orbulon: Don’t think about tricking me! I know you’re sending out this exactly impossible brain twister just to make me look like a fool! In fact, the very worst thing will ironically happen to you!

Announcer: Brain twister failed! Orbulon… needs to be put in a high security zoo!

Orbulon (enraged): Why would I?! Yes, I still want to invade Earth, but I’m still the sweetest alien around!

Announcer: You mean being displayed as the sweetest Living Bowling Pin at the zoo while being fed with pellets?

(Audience laughing)

Orbulon (outraged): All right, Mr. Zookeeper! That’s the last straw that you can pick from me! Prepare to be annihilated by my alien tactics!

With his sky blue blood boiling inside him, he teleports to the same location where he destroyed the announcer, bringing the same “Big Hammy” as before. However before he can charge this time, a tranquilizing needle shot Big Hammy on his flank, breaking out of its anger as it collapse. Then the walls of the glass cage enclosed itself within it and Orbulon. Orbulon panickedly tries to break the walls with no avail due to having no bones.

Announcer (turns around to his trap): Silly animal. Think you can charge up on me like that again? Looks like you’re now a new species to the Diamond City Zoo. A sacred, space alien will raise the prize to a million dollars! Guards, take him away.

As an intern carries the cage, the steaming Orbulon tried to debunk his fantasies while hammering the cage walls, but his voices are muted by the thick, glass walls. Eventually, he ran out of breath and started crying.

Announcer: Now you know Orbulon, coming soon for a display at a zoo as Timon and Pumbaa!

The announcer evilly smirks as the melancholic Orbulon and his out-cold razorback were carried out of the auditorium.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Orbulon received a traumatizing time in his alien life... Don't worry, he's released at the point he's carried to backstage.
> 
> Next time... is once again our tiny friend, Fronk!


	33. Fronk (Round 2)

Know your stars… Know your stars…

Fronk: Well well well. Look who’s returned. The buffoon strikes back.

Announcer: What buffoon? Anyway, Fronk… once found treasure in a heart of a whale!

Fronk (correcting): Haha. That’s impossible. We Fronks can survive underwater for three days. However the same can’t be said for the internals of a whale due to the lack of oxygen.

Announcer: Not even within the behemoth’s bloodstream?

Fronk (stern): Did you not catch at the lack of oxygen fact? Plus, the platelets inside the blood will exterminate us alive like if we are a deadly virus!

Announcer: Alright you got me wise guy. How about this? Fronk… He worships human feet!

Fronk (irritated): Hey! Now, that’s just plain moronic! Sure our species snuggles with the little toes sometimes to the point we may even tickle them. But this is no way it’s the exact same as worshipping human soles!

Announcer: Why not? You are the star of Sole Man. A precious god of soles!

(Audience laughing)

Fronk (realizing): Are you talking about that microgame?! That’s not praising! That’s highly abuse! It hurts for everyone to see our species flattened by large, rough soles every failure! It’s no wonder Mona abandoned on remaking this microgame.

Announcer: Isn’t it simple? Everyone just wants to get rid of worthless insects like you.

Fronk (angered): I told you before we Fronks are not pathetic insects!

Announcer: Fronk… He’ll be squished by an incoming hiker boot halfway of his last speech!

Fronk (pissed off): Now you wait just a second! Fronk preservation has started two years ago! The new rules are applied so that if any of our short lived species gets flattened by the hard soles, they shall be taken to sanctuary immediately! This means the moment the boot smashes me, you’ll pay the price-

Before Fronk can finish his comments, a large hiker boot supported with an Ultra Hand swiftly smashes onto him, crushing him flat like a pancake.

Fronk (raises arm while defeated): You will be paying a bunch from paycheck… (collapses)

Announcer: That should silence that annoying know-it-all pest. Now you know… Fronk. Pesticide boot sold for only 1.99!

(Camera back away)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's why Sole Man didn't get remade for Gold.
> 
> Next is *sighs Ashley's turn again. God I hate her...


	34. Ashley (Round 2)

Know your stars… Know your stars…

Ashley (irritated): You again… You’re lucky that Sanyuri never favors human flesh or else I’ll curse you the moment he spit me out…

Announcer: Lucky I am! Ashley…Her witch cauldron is also used as cannon!

Ashley (scoffs): Ugh. That was only one accidental time. While I’m conjuring a new potion, some flying book bumped into the stepladder I’m standing on and I fell into it. And then for some unknown reason, the spell transformed my cauldron into a cannon and it fired itself out. I have to call Red to get me down from the large tree I was hanging on.

Announcer: Ashley… she loves Tharja!

Ashley (angered): For what?! We only met one time while I’m an Assist Trophy and I only admire her for being a dark mage like myself. I don’t plan on kissing her or any love moment!

Announcer: I got one! You love her big curves and want to smack her butt!

Ashley (angry): No! Why would I want to that smut?! I’m only 12 years old! And I’m the cruelest witch! Meanwhile, you in the darkest area want to see me as a underage lesbian!

Announcer: Ashley…She stars in a Japanese lolicon anime!

Ashley (furious): Not even in your dreams, you sick for nothing! I swear some moron at my “fanclub” wants me to star in the exact same movie. This couldn’t be you. Can it?

Announcer: Dream? Did you really think this is a dream?

The dreaded television has returned to the position where Ashley can see it. It reveals a clip from a Japanese lolicon anime. The scenes were …too disturbing that I will not be going full detail. But the only thing I’ll tell you that the young female victim had the exact same red dress and had Ashley’s face pasted on it which changes feelings as the film goes along.

Ashley is flat out losing her temper. Her hair glow a deep white and she teleported behind the announcer.

Ashley (furious): I shouldn’t have spared you the moment Sanyuri took me far away from your hidey-hole. Now here your punishment, I’ve promised you last sketch except even bigger you mocked me for being in “lewd” segments…

Announcer: *smirks

Ashley: Wishing for death huh? Hellikus Fire!

…

Nothing appears to have happened until suddenly blazing flames surrounded Ashley’s clothes. This is the point Red returns to his usual form, while freaking out.

Announcer: Like my new invention? I’ve installed the Backfire Barriers recently in case anyone plans to kill me again.

Ashley (pissed): You won’t be sorry! Red, take me to the fire extinguisher nearby! (Both leave)

Announcer: Now you know Ashley, coming soon to the latest Japanese Anime with a youthful heating sensation!

(Camera backs away)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still depise Ashley so backfired spells got her again. Don't worry, I'll make the announcer get it the last chapter.  
> Next time, it's Penny's turn again.
> 
> P.S. No I'm not going to give out full details about the lolicon short, don't pester me about it! Besides that joke is against the disgusting Ashley porn across the internet! She's underage for crying out loud!


	35. Penny Crygor (Round 2)

Know your stars… know your stars…

Penny: Ugh, I already know who you are before. I’m not ready for even more any more lies that can even drive an evil genius crazy.

Announcer: Too bad. Penny Crygor... She’s a 12th grader who got held back to 1st grade!

Penny (serious): Once again, I stand against your tattletales. First, I’m actually in middle school right now, 7th grade to be precise. Second, you have to be at least 17 or 18 in order to be valid for 12th grade.

Announcer: You look pretty small for an 18-year old. Are you a midget?

Penny: No, I’m not a midget! Why did you suddenly assume I have aging defects?! I'm only 12!

Announcer: Just checking. Penny Crygor... was once caught flashing her breasts at school!

Penny (freaked out): Ack! That was only a one-time accident! During science class, I was creating another unusual tonic in a test tube and like one of my others, it was dysfunctional and it exploded! But unlike my other failed experiments, it somewhat blew off part of my top and my entire bra! It was utterly embarrassing to run to the office while covering up my small rack just to phone Grandpa and Mike to fetch me a new one!

Announcer: Well, you should always be prepared for unexpected events. An adult like you should have full responsibility, short or not.

Penny (irritated): I just told you I’m not a deformed adult! I’m only 12, so of course I’m unaware for future misfortunes! Besides I can’t believe you were spying on me or did you just figured that out by chance?

Announcer: By chance. Penny Crygor… She got all Fs on her report card!

Penny (vexed): Hey! I’m not extremely dumb! I’m intelligent! I study most of the time! I’ve checked that none of my report cards have a failing grade!

Announcer: Doesn’t ring a bell. This report card of yours might be the expectation.

The hand descended down to reveal the report card he was explaining about.

It appears to be Penny’s recent report card with 7 rows of subjects. All her grades are indeed As and Bs but the announcer attempts to remain his speech true with Fs pasted over all of her grades.

(Audience laughing)

Penny (gasps in horror): You stole my recent report card and pasted red Fs all over them?!

Announcer: What are you talking about? These failing grades indeed are a clarification of your low intelligence!

Penny (furious): I can score better grades than straight Fs and you’re being disrespectful for trying to diminish my hard work over these weeks, just to get everyone to point and laugh at me when I return to school!

With her anger surging her veins once again, Penny clicks her heart-shaped pin and unleashes not one, but three heat-seeking missiles to give the announcer three times the damage than hers. Everything appears to be normal with Penny about to be satisfied about her revenge until the missiles somewhat ricocheted towards her.

Penny (fear): Huh?! This isn’t according to my plan! Could it be the heartless joker has some undiscovered invention that redirects heat-seekers?

In a panic state, Penny runs offstage with her former missiles following her.

Announcer: Silly girl. She may have discovered I’m a sick, heartless jerk, but she never found out of my new manipulating barriers! Now you know Penny Crygor, the twelfth-grade dropout!

The announcer smirks as the missiles finally catch up to Penny offscreen with a loud explosion as they made contact with her, sending her into an injured condition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've planned on the announcer getting his true karma at the final chapter, the announcer got smarter in preventing impacts from incoming revenge from contestants
> 
> Next time, Jimmy's back for more suffering!


	36. Jimmy T. (Round 2)

Know your stars… Know your stars…

Jimmy T. (discerned): Hey, yo! What you insulted me last time isn’t cool! Especially the entire drag queen and booty shaking nonsense! You better not have any worse lies upcoming in the groove!

Announcer: Don’t worry they won’t be about drag queens… Jimmy Thang… He wears a fedora every night.

Jimmy T.(discomforted): No man. This here is an afro. It’s the sign of a fabulous night at Club Sugar. I have no idea what a fedora is, but I know it’s an extra perverted way to get ladies to call the cops and that would be less hip.

Announcer: Jimmy Thang… he’s a handsome pimp who travels around the world.

Jimmy T.: Not true, yo! My family is a bit poor to be world travelers and I’m not a pimp! Beating up ladies just for their cash sound nothing but risking sentence! And that would be less hip, man! Besdies you never see me with lame-ass glasses or a tuxedo!

Instead of responding, a big boxing glove ejected from the gutters and swiftly knocked off Jimmy’s afro, actually a wig, revealing a black hat with white stripe across the bottom of the panel to earn Jimmy’s annoyance.

(Audience laughing)

Jimmy T. (annoyed): Alright man, did you sneak this trash under my afro when I was snoozing?

Announcer: Why call it trash? You can get more popular by tipping that fedora in front of girls. Besides you look handsome with that snazzy head wear!

(Audience laughing)

Jimmy T.: My afro is way better than this dumb hat! Plus I’m handsome without it!

Announcer: Whatever you say. Jimmy T… He was abandoned by his family at Paris!

Jimmy T. (pissed): Now you wait just a damn second to fixate your damn brain correctly! If I’m abandoned in France I wouldn’t be here right now! Besides my family has been out of town for weeks!

Announcer: Well, your family doesn’t want a horny pimp clown! But that’s okay! You must have done good work on these hoes to buy a passport back home!

Jimmy T. (furious): You’re calling me a clown?! Just because I have a big red nose and a fabulous afro doesn’t mean I’m coming from that reeking place you call a circus! And I just told you I’m not a horny pimp who would gladly beat ladies to earn respect and cash! My popularity’s with friends, music, dancing, and kitties fits the amount just right!

Announcer: Now you know... Jimmy T.

Jimmy T. (outraged): No, they sure don’t!

Announcer: Yes they do, you are such a big pimp for a drag queen!

Jimmy T. (outraged): Did you have to bring up that drag queen nonsense yet again, man?! I told you I’m no overexaggerated drag queen! Did you see me swaying my hips or offer some butt slapping?! Of course you don’t and you will never catch footage of me doing that perverted nonsense! No matter what your damn arguments defy, I will always be a go-getter dancer! Hey! I’m not finished with you yet, “bro”! Come back here right at this moment!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a drag queen, not a pimp. Just an innocent go-go dancer, er I mean go-getter dancer.
> 
> What more horrifying lies will Dr Crygor suffer?


	37. Dr. Crygor (Round 2)

Know your stars… know your stars…

Dr. Crygor (angered): Ah-hah! Some certain villain has returned! You’ll pay for what you did to my beloved Mike and Penny!

Announcer (sarcastic): Ooohhh… I’m scared. Dr. Crygor… He kept Mike’s brain as a trophy.

Dr. Crygor (miffed): Oh? You still can’t fool me, you rats for brains. Mike isn’t even organic to begin with! Besides all Doris-1 and I did to fix him good as new is to simply replace the damaged chips that prevented his mobility.

Announcer: While wearing that fancy bikini of yours?

(Audience laughing)

Dr. Crygor (angered): Did you really have to bring up that nonsense again?! I told you snuck that bikini under by suit when I knock out into a snooze!

Announcer: But Mike would love it when he wakes up. Anyway, Dr. Crygor… His granddaughter is in his lab while being touched with satisfaction!

Dr. Crygor (furious): Alright, your lies just started to become more revolting than ever! Penny is in the Diamond City hospital right now recovering from her injuries and she will be in there for a week no thanks to you!

Announcer: Aww… So you don’t love your daughter after all?

Dr. Crygor (furious): How could you think this as child abandonment?! Her injuries are beyond Crygorian Care, so I have to send her into deep, expertise medication! Also what gives you right to say I love my granddaughter by touching her body?!

Announcer: Dr. Crygor… He got an extremely chilly situation coming right up!

Dr. Crygor (outraged): Let me correct that statement for you. (takes out Heat-Blaster 3000) You got an extremely incinerating situation upon your little lying, perverted ass! Also this is for Penny and Mike!

Announcer (smirks): You think so?

While Dr. Crygor charging his bazooka to deliver the announcer a fatal explosion that will send him to hell, the announcer also had a surprise weapon that Crygor didn’t see coming. A heavy-duty freezing gun emerges from the gutters and fires as Dr. Crygor cannons his searing beam. Both elemental rays collided with great force, but the freezing ray is winning by a slight difference in temperature.

Dr. Crygor (boggled): Wha-what?! That’s impossible! Where did you obtain this hidden counteracting weapon?!

With his scorching rays unable to overcome the blizzard force, the opposing icy storm decimated his heating beam, freezing him like a mammoth enclosed in an iceberg when it makes contact with him. He ends up with a chilled look after getting frozen.

Announcer: I’ve warned you! You have gotten out-cold! Hahaha! Now you know Dr. Crygor, who needs to “chill” with his Crygorian family .

As the camera backs away from the frozen genius, his freezing gun, which completely burned out from high power required to overcome Crygor, drops dead to the floor.

Announcer: Aw nuts… I just bought that ray recently. Hope I don’t need it for other opposing revenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For shame, Crygor. You need to chill sometimes. Too bad he didn't finish the darn announcer for his wounded family. At least his dangerous weapon is down.
> 
> Next up is once again our favorite tomboy, Mona!


	38. Mona (Round 2)

Know your stars… Know your stars…

Mona (disgruntled): I can’t believe you would drag me back to this horrible show you unpleasant, monstrous pig…

Announcer: Aww… thank you!

Mona (miffed, but calming down): That’s not a compliment! … Huff… Okay Mona, you can endure this second nonsense nagging.

Announcer: Mona… She repeatedly got fired from her usual jobs!

Mona (calm): Uh no. These are part time jobs. My boss, Joe has various interests like Pizza Art and he had a hard time deciding what to set his for his career, so he finalized on part-time. And where he goes, I follow!

Announcer: She got fired after a bad luck streak after failing to respond to a chain letter!

Mona (shocked): Bad luck streak? All I did to that silly chain mail is just flagged that dumb note as spam and I don’t have a adversity streak running with me right now.

Announcer: Mona… Has a fear of salt shakers while working at Mona Pizza.

Mona (stands up): Come one already. I’m starting to get tired off your playful stories. The only thing I have a fear of is being late to work! I mean, have you received a late fee? These penalties are frightening high that you feel like you risked your entire life savings!

Announcer: Careful when you approach me. You might tip over that poor little salt shaker and another misfortune will befall your soul.

Mona (losing it): Salt shaker? You didn’t even place a tiny shaker anywhere on this stage or near my toes! Did your eyes or thoughts need to be checked or something? Because I know these misfortune rumors aren’t real!

Announcer: What are you talking about? I’m completely alright! Mona… She destroyed an entire mirror shop!

Mona (pissed off): I did not destroy an entire mirror shop! I would have to pay my entire butt off if I did and I would lose everything I worked hard on! And I would bleed out due to the glass shards for f*cks sakes! (takes out baton) Let’s see how would like to see your misfortune theories debunked like vampires fading in the noon sunlight!

Like a heavy-built, steaming gorilla whirling his arms to throw a barrel, she swiftly swings her baton underhand and flings it toward the announcer, guarded by invisible barriers. The baton actually managed to shatter one of the barriers and bounce off the second story to hit his nads.

Announcer (cringes): Owie!

Mona (smiles): Not so clever now-

Just as if she became satisfied with her revenge, a sandbag dropped down at where she’s standing, but she avoided it in the nick of time.

Announcer: Oooh! You may have managed to stab me at the crouch, but you broke yet another mirror!

Mona (furious): That was a broken barrier, you fiddlebrain! They don’t even have the same meaning!

Announcer: Now you know Mona, the girl with and adversity streak!

Mona: I don’t have an adversity streak! (a spotlight almost crashed on her, but she dodged again)

Announcer: Look at that! She tipped another salt shaker!

Mona: There’s no teeny-tiny salt shaker below my feet, you jerk! I’m telling you I didn’t get cursed by a piece of spam that randomly popped up in my email and I didn’t get fired from my job! Also, stop throwing down these garbage at me!

A leakage of dirty sewage exploded from the pipes on the roof showers all over her, ruining her beauty and hair.

Mona: Oh for f*cks sakes!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mona with an adversity streak... Sounds interesting and unfortunate too.
> 
> Next up, Dribble's back for another round!


	39. Dribble (Round 2)

Know your stars… know your stars…

Dribble: Alright, I know what you’re going to throw at me, so bring it on before I tackle you right on the floor!

Announcer: Dribble…He’s always tired during his taxi drives!

Dribble (disgruntled): Ha-ha. Nice try. As the bigger cabbie of Diamond City, I always keep a cup of coffee during our customer rides! Besides there is no way night shifts are possible if you’re tired all the time! I could crash into someone!

Announcer: Dribble… Will get bored and fall asleep fifteen seconds after my third statement.

Dribble (annoyed): Err? Where did you dig up that idiotic idea? Right now, I don’t feel like falling asleep at the moment!

Announcer: Dribble… Will do what I tell him to do after he falls asleep.

Dribble: Ahem! You’re trying to hypnotize me? Well, that ain’t goin’ to happen. This silly trick only works on brainless, feral savannah critters!

Announcer: 8…7…6…

Dribble: What are you counting for? The moment that I get my grip around your fragile neck that you wish you were never hired for “comedy”?

Announcer: 1… *snap!

Within the snap, Dribble immediately dropped into a deep slumber with his head down on his shoulder supported my his right hand while heavily snoring.

Announcer: Heh-heh… now for the biggest moment everyone’s waiting for. Dribble… Neigh like a horse.

Dribble didn’t respond immediately due to his slumber, but in a few seconds he suddenly starts puckering his canine lips to make a neigh sound.

Dribble (hypnotized): Neigh… neigh…

(Audience laughing)

Announcer: Dribble… get in all fours and gallop.

Dribble gets off the hot seat and drops on the floor with his hands and feet aligned like a feral dog. He starts galloping like a stallion in circles.

Dribble (hypnotized): Neigh… neigh…

(Audience laughing)

Announcer: Dribble… Take off all of your clothes.

Dribble stopped at the middle of his 4th lap and removes all of his clothes, cap, and even his boxers. His butt and crouch had to be censored. With him completely aunaturel, he resumes into galloping as if he’s forgotten how to walk.

Dribble (hypnotized): Neigh… neigh…

(Audience laughing)

Announcer: Dribble… Have a tasteful whipping of this!

A robotic hand descends to give Dribble a “tasteful treat.” As it follows him, the machine whipped him on his back, causing him to rush faster than before. Dribble’s completely out of his mind, that he trampled all of his dropped clothes, spreading them all over the floor and getting them under the dust.

Dribble (hypnotized): Neigh… snort… snort.

(Audience laughing)

After a “good” 45 seconds, the hand ascended and the announcer is ready to close this sketch.

Announcer: Now you know Dribble, hypnotically hung like a horse. Now wake up! *snap

Within the second slight snap, Dribble wakes up from his slumber, confused and angered as he gazed upon the stage and his ruined clothes.

Dribble (confuzzled): Huh? Wha-What just happened here? Why am I naked? What did you do to my clothes? (threatening after realizing what happened) Grrr… Hey you! Yeah you! Come back and let me wrangle your little neck! You’ll be paying for replacement of my outfit!

Announcer: Hohoho! I love me!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by an actual sketch at the original KYS. This may be the last furry joke, besides Spitz or Kat and Ana.
> 
> Next up, we have his cabbie pal Spitz once again.


	40. Spitz (Round 2)

Know your stars… Know your stars…

Spitz: Alright, I know what you’re going to smack-talk to me. So get on with your fibbing before I shoot you with my bazooka!

Announcer: Spitz… He bathes in komodo saliva!

Spitz (gross out): Eww! Now that’s disgusting! I took showers using regular ol’ clear water. Besides I’ve heard that komodo dragon drool is acidic! My fur and skin would melt within the toxicity!

Announcer: Why not? You’ve bathed in doggie drool before.

Spitz (angry): I didn’t bathe in mutt saliva! I swear you pushed into that box just to get everyone to point and laugh at me!

Announcer: No I didn’t. Spitz… He likes getting his body tickled by aliens!

Spitz: Hey! These no good galactic creatures have no rights to tickle my spitzy fur! In fact, no one is allowed to have their sticky hands on my clean fur!

The announcer didn’t respond to Spitz’s protest. Instead, several robotic hands holding feathers descended to surround him and gently bristle on Spitz’s yellow fur, sending him into a snickering sensation which quickly became laughter.

Spitz (ticklish): PfftHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now you cut that out! Get these lil’ feathers off of me!

Announcer: Now we know one of your most guilty pleasure and your most sensitive spots!

Spitz (still sensitive): Hahaha You ha stop ha this ha torture hahaha!

Announcer: Sorry, can’t understand you with your voice under laughter.

The torture lasted for 45 seconds when the hands retracted after they’ve finished their job.

Announcer: Better?

Spitz (settled): I guess that felt good.

Announcer: Now back to the track, Spitz… He and Dribble had a warm time during vacation.

Spitz (confused but aware): Hey, I thought you always fib out disgusting stories. It’s true that we’ve took a little vacation after we got our stolen savings back from Wario.

Announcer (snickers): It's official! You two are in love with each other!

Spitz (annoyed): Huh?!

Another robotic hand descended to reveal Spitz’s “warm” moments. They are three photos taken during their vacation. The first one is a photo of Dribble and Spitz shirtless while relaxing at the sunny beach. Though the first one is completely normal, the other two inverses the state of innocence. The second features them removing their boxers, the third one, however, was them making love with each other. The offensive actions like…ahem “kissing” and offensive body parts are censored. This made Spitz lose his cool once again.

(Audience laughing and swooning)

Spitz (furious while ripping photos): What the f*cking hell?! I didn’t remember taking pictures of us being naughty while no one’s around! Did you get some perverted intern to burrow themselves in the shrubbery and take a goddamn camera behind our backs! Because I know these damn “memories” aren’t mine!

Announcer: Yes, they are! We have known you and Dribble are more than best cabbies since the beginning!

(Audience laughing and swooning)

Spitz (furious): I’m telling you that was only one damn time! This was all a big f*cking dare that Dribble challenged to show how much we support each other. I’m telling you this wasn’t all your typical ordinary sex stupid yiffers think of!

Announcer: Now you know Spitz, who’s gay for Dribble! I’m getting out of here.

Spitz (outraged): I’ll keep cool with you rubbing my spitzy fur to get me into a humiliating situation or even push me into a pit of drool, but no one. NO ONE! Is allowed to expose or fake my sexual condition with Dribble to thousands of people! This also applies to your pictures of him in the bathroom and claiming that they’re mine! If I had the Octoblazooka with me, I’ll zap your puny ass into outer space where intergalactic aliens will destroy your guts that you’ll hate yourself for hosting this sketch!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe Spitz has hots for Dribble, but this isn't my original dirty mind because I'm not a furry. But I do headcannon he's a bigger pottymouth than Young Cricket's nasty side.
> 
> Next up is Kat and Ana's turn again!


	41. Kat and Ana (Round 2)

Know your stars… Know your stars…

Ana (worried): Oh no… We’re back at this show after all the bullying we’ve got last time?!

Kat (calm): Settle down, Ana. That announcer last time might have been one of the dangerous beasts we’ve fought before. Keep your eyes in case he attacks us from the behind!

Ana (nervous): S-Sure.

Announcer: Kat and Ana… They really hate each other.

Ana (panicked): Huh? That’s not true! Since when did I show any sign of hatred to my sister?! (tears forming)

Kat (comforting): Ana, settle. As for you fiend, we don’t hate each other. Just because I’m bossy against my sister sometimes don’t mean I hate her entirely. I still care for my sister and will protect her from dangers like you!

Announcer: What about when you put fire ants on your sister’s bed?

Kat (ashamed): That’s just one of my past pranks. Admittedly, Ana’s still mad about it.

Ana (comforted): Yeah, but I’ve forgotten about it now.

Announcer: Kat and Ana… They raided a grandmother’s house for a midnight snack.

Kat (defending): Uh… no! We just munch our own snacks at home. I promise we didn’t steal anything from an old lady’s fridge!

Announcer: You’ve sure about that? The old lady you stole from just recorded the entire robbery within her security camera hidden in her kitchen. Check it out.

The dreaded television descends to expose the midnight raid featuring them. It reveals Kat and Ana (actually two silhouettes edited to resemble them) breaking through the kitchen window above the sink in a somersault and landed three-point style. The footage clips onto the ninja twins forcefully opening the fridge and capturing an armful of cheese, fruit and other types of food. As the load isn’t actually weighing them down, the ninjas leaped out through the window and fled with it.

Ana (frightened): What?! I never stole anything heavier than my own weight! Besides, I would get all chubby if I stole that much food!

Kat (angered): She’s right! You’ve made this whole robbery up! Also, an old lady would not report to a nasty liar like you!

Announcer: No, it’s all natural!

Kat and Ana (defending): No, it’s not!

Announcer: Kat and Ana… They’re actually werewolves who unleash their true nature at noon!

Kat (angered): Noon just passed already and we weren’t werewolves hurting anyone innocent at Diamond City! Besides these transformations only happen at full moon!

Ana (angered): Yeah! You heard her! If I suddenly became a werewolf at noon, I would be totally freak out right now!

Announcer: 11:58… 11:59…

Kat (vengeful): Come on Ana! Let’s show this no-good Monster our taste of our ninja skills!

Ana (vengeful): Ready sis!

Announcer: 12:00! *snap

Within the slight snap, Kat and Ana suddenly forget about trying to kill the announcer and started growling and barking.

Kat and Ana (hypnotized): Bark Bark! Awhoo!!!

With no control of their personality, they start scratching with their hind legs and roll around the floor like puppies. Only their behavior was affected by the “lycanthropy” which later made two of their teeth became canine and they start showing signs of bloodthirstiness.

Announcer (enjoying): Hohoho. Now you know, Kat and Ana, werewolves of Diamond City.

The camera backs away from them as the ninjas growled and search around the stage for victims.

Announcer (smirks): They should back to normal in 1 minute and they will have no clue on what just happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, their eating habits in Gold kinda inspire these jokes. And I thought Kat and Ana as werewolves could spark up to me because Halloween just passed.
> 
> Only one employee left to torture and it's no other than 9-Volt!


	42. 9-Volt (Round 2)

Know your stars… Know your stars…

9-Volt (uncomfortable): Aw come on! I can’t believe I’ve got lured back into this dungeon all because some stranger that claims to be Mario himself said there will be an arcade full of Nintendo enjoyment! And then I got mugged into a burlap sack…

Announcer: What’s wrong 9-Volt? Aren’t you happy that you’re the last employee here?

9-Volt (lashing): Happy? I’ll be happier when I have abilities to beat you like how Mario defeated Bowser!

Announcer: Believe what you want, you know you’ll change your mind, 9-Volt… rides a snail-paced tricycle to school.

9-Volt: Come on! I ditched the tricycle when I discovered Crygor invented a cool skateboard! It flies and it's way better than a crummy tricycle that only goes like one inch per minute! Besides, I was late once due to oversleeping...

Announcer: 9-Volt… is known for the DJ at Club Joe Night.

9-Volt: No I’m not! That was my Player 2’s new rival, 13-Amp. The empty school gym is where unleash my epic DJ skills potential during the rap competition between them for Ralphie’s games!

Announcer: You and 13-Amp have something in common? Are you her secret admirer?

9-Volt (shocked): Wha-what? I’m way too busy playing games with my best buddy to find a girl to admire! And the idea of love at first sight sound awkward to me!

Announcer: Alright… 9-Volt… He steals other people’s games and merchandise for his Nintendo collection!

9-Volt (stressed): Wait what?! That is not true! My Nintendo collection is state clean! A third of it was previously owned by my mom before I was born! And 18-Volt and I shared the rest!

Announcer: Really? Then, why does this R.O.B. has the tag, “Property of Samuel Hazoru” on it?

The R.O.B. he mentioned dropped in front of the hot seat where 9-Volt can check it. He groaned in despair when he sees the tag attached to its right arm joint.

(Audience laughing)

9-Volt (stressed): That’s not cool! All you did it attach that tag to it when I’m not at home! The signature's poorly written and there's a crappy doodle vandalized on it! What is this? Some noodle trying to destroy Ridley from Metroid?

Announcer (ignoring): Hello, security? I would like report a recent robbery of Samuel’s R.O.B which stolen by no other than Niner “9-Volt” Forty Niner!

9-Volt (angered): Hey! Stop pretending that all of this is my fault! Also, I told my real name is not-

Before he can finish his protest, he felt a big grip crushing his tiny left handed glove.

9-Volt (panicked): Hrm?! What’s going on?!

Security guard: Sir, you’re coming with me for your recent swiping of an innocent citizen’s toy.

9-Volt (resisting): I’m telling you, you’re falling for that boss’s trick! I did not steal that toy!

Security guard (ignoring): Tell it to the judge.

Announcer (smirks): Now you know, 9-Volt, Nintendo Stealer!

9-Volt (angered): I’m telling I’m not a thief! (Struggles) Let me go already!

The announcer smirks as 9-Volt was forcefully “arrested” off the scenery.

Announcer: Heh-heh. I’m rocking this humiliating thing! Now that all employees have been trashed down to the garbage dump, that they’ll be depressed or horrified for life, it’s time to torture… The Big Jerk President of WarioWare Inc.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Need to get this out, so I can be finally finished with the announcer humiliating the employees!
> 
> Now the final chapter is about to come soon and it's no other than Wario!


	43. Wario

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now what you've been waiting for since two months ago. It's Wario's turn to get humilated. How would the one and only President of WarioWare Inc. react or revile at these tattletales?

Know your stars… Know your stars…

Wario (boisterous): Wahaha! Its-a-me! Wario! Now what are you waiting for? Starting cheering now!

Announcer: Settle big guy, the audience isn’t ready to cheer just yet.

Wario (unaware): Heh-heh. They all are about to...

Announcer: Wario… He secretly had a crush on Mario.

Wario (triggered): What?! No way! That chubby, red jerk is nothing more than an inferior copy who thinks he’s the best at everything! In fact, I should take care of that Koopa King for once! While I’m not into anyone yet, I did gain an admirer in Mona, which I may be dating later this year if she ever apologizes me for ripping everyone off.

Announcer: Wario… He, Luigi and Mario had a threesome!

Wario (pissed): I sure do not! I told you that Mario guy is nothing but a jerk! Also, his skinny, green pal sucks Koopa dick too!

Announcer: You know who’s also a jerk and plays with turtle dicks? You.

(Audience laughing)

Wario (steaming): Alright, you’ve got me on the jerk part. But I’ve never ever jerked a stupid Koopa’s gherkin in my entire life! And you have no footage of that!

Announcer: Wario… He dumped all of his friends at Diamond City for Toads!

Wario (furious): Grrr! Just where you'd think you’re getting away with saying that nonsense?! Sure all my friends are nothing but poor saps I trash most of the time just for money but there’s no way I’m replacing my varied and unique chums with stupid, cowardly shrooms with spotted hats!

Announcer: You repeatedly trash your employees too? Looks like we something in common except I get double points for extra humor!

(Audience laughing)

Wario: What?! Who gave you permission to trash my employees repeatedly?! Not me, of course! Only I’m allowed can rip off and trash my underlings!

Announcer: You mean like this?

The television descended to reveal “how” Wario trashed his employees.

It presents the scene of a large dirt ditch where a garbage truck was parked at the sandy edge and 17 unemployed workers with all of Wario’s friends heads pasted on each one of them. The truck lifted its load and drop a lump of disgusting and stinking waste into the pit where the workers are obscured by them. After the dumping is finished, a shady man with Wario’s head edited to it came out from the side door and laughs while dancing as the victims try to bury their way out, but suffocate while Toads randomly teleport out of nowhere and celebrate this “event.”

(Audience laughing)

Wario (outraged while destroying the computer with his Shoulder Bash): That’s the last straw you are allowed to pick from me! Where did you get this footage anyway?! From some perverted imagination of yours?! It’s no wonder my employees are way too bummed to be making me money for the last couple of days! *dashes offscreen

Announcer: Hahaha! This is just perfect! With Wario under my spell of tattle-

Before he can finish, he heard his barriers shattering as Wario uses his Shoulder Bash to destroy his defense against his past attacks, he regained his signs of anxiousness since last time on Sketch 20.

Announcer: Oh crap. (grabbed in the nape by Wario)

Wario: You think you can trash every single one of my employees and get away with them with their internals and emotions crushed like a car in a compressor?! Let’s see how you’d like this!

Using his internal energy surging in his muscles, he hurled the announcer like a madman thrusting a dodgeball off the second floor and faceplanting him on the stage.

Announcer: Ouch… This Wario guy is no pushover unlike others. But at least his chums should riot against him for dumping a dirt pile-

The announcer flat out ate all of his words when after he recovered from being dazed, he’s surrounded by every single employee and the other minor jobbers he tormented with pissed-off looks with preparations to teach him a vile, valuable lesson.

Jimmy T.: Well, look who finally crawled out from their hidey-hole.

Ceazar: You still haven’t paid for that fake order you gave to us!

Sal Out: I’ve just written a new song about a vile creature lurking in the closet a while ago, referring you!

Mona: Normally, I would ask if they are okay, but this time I’m ready to beat your ass up!

Joe: I’m with Mona and the rest!

Doris-1: YOU HURT MY FRIENDS! YOU HURT THEIR FEELINGS! YOU WILL PERISH!

Dr. Crygor: I’m finishing my abrupted -101 solid payback planned a week ago!

Mike: You’ve heard Crygor and Doris-1, you Disney-lubber!

Penny: You’ll pay for my stitches at my bottom and thighs while I was hospitalized with my burns!

Dribble: And my replacement for my clothes you made me shred and mangle!

Spitz: Don’t forget the times you’ve taken pictures of us, all bare and out in the open!

In the middle of the mob’s protest, Wario leaps out from the second story right in front of the announcer, who was revealed to be disguised in a black cloak with his face hidden.

Wario: And now, let’s see what your butt-ugly face has to say of all these moronic stories clamored!

With his swift and powerful force, he swiped the cloak off of the announcer’s body despite his best efforts to repel his forceful swing, after spinning around like an uncontrollable top, the true identity of the announcer is no other than… Luigi from Dorkly?

Fronk: How unexpected. This is the buffoon?

Lulu: He looks like he belongs in a pixelated animation and laughed at the “fact” I used the Golden Potty! This pedophile is way worse than Wario himself!

9-Volt: It’s a horrifying shame because I know him from Super Mario World.

5-Volt: How could he do this?!

Dorkly!Luigi: Uh… No, I’m not? Wario… he got Mario supa-pregnant! Hohoho?

After he finished yet another awful tattletale, Vanessa grips him tightly on his neck while glaring at him.

Vanessa: Don’t play dumb, you were hiding your crawly corner, behind the stands and raining laughter from the second floor while we take your damn insults! (turns him around)

Cricket: I won’t forgive you for calling me a childish drama king.

Mantis: Or a stupid, gay old hobo.

13-Amp: I may not handle a gun, but I’ll sure rap out your buns.

Red: You see Ashley?! I told you he tattletaled all these rumors that I hate your guts.

Ashley: I know. I just believed you after I was backfired in my spells.

Orbulon: This Earth-nemesis is going to get a whooping skyscraper falling under his bottom anytime now!

Wario: And we’ll be that whooping skyscraper who will destroy him all at once! Everyone ready?!

18-Volt: I’m ready since that gosh-damn creepo wants me to be his rapping slave!

Kat and Ana: KATANA!

Ralphie (backs away): I’m not the fighting type, so I’ll be watching the entire party kill like a group attack in an RPG from a four-member team! So good luck! Especially the big guy!

Dorkly!Luigi: No no no no! Please don’t kill me! I promise I’ll take back of these nasty lies! I won’t be mean to anyone ever again especially kids and furries!

Despite Dorkly!Luigi’s merciful beggings, the remaining 24 victims instantly lunged onto him forming a big dogpile, clouded of combat as he screams and get bruised and kicked while Ralphie watches from the hot seat.

Ralphie: Go big guy! Rap that bully to game over! And red lady, blue guy and others, take care of him until he says “Sorry” 100 times!

The camera backs away while the fighting continues and the audience chanted, “Fight! Fight! Fight! WHOOOOO!!!!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, after two months, the fanfic has concluded and the announcer got what he deserved since Chapter 2.
> 
> Wario and his friends are now satisfied with their revenge.
> 
> If you managed to reach this chapter, tell me what you've think about the fanfic and don't forget to show appreciation like leave a comment or give kudos! JacquIre out!


End file.
